Waiting

Yep, that's our baby boy! Taken at our appointment last Wednesday (34 wks., 5 days). He's doing great and when we go for our appointment in two days, we get to schedule my induction!!!!

I'm thrilled to soon know when he will be in my arms. We're hoping that will happen in less than two weeks.

We had a really good Christmas - busy as always, but so much fun (and very tiring for me!) Since Paul's been off all last week, we had plenty of preparation time and my parents joined us on Christmas eve and stayed for a few days. They only live about 40 minutes away, but it's nice to have them here for days versus hours. It started snowing heavily on Christmas eve and in about two days we had approximately 12-15 inches on the ground. The boys had fun sledding with Papa and Daddy and building a partial snowman which quickly became something to jump off of rather than a snowman. Here they are in their matching vests from my dad (Papa) on Christmas morning.

My brother Richard joined us for Christmas Day and Elijah had fun dominating "Rish-urd's" attention. Paul got me a few special gifts, even though the landscaping was supposed to cover all gifts for the year. His theme for my gifts was "ministering to my heart." I received a new PINK vacuum (something I've been wanting for a long time and the pink part made it all the more special!) and a gift certificate to a local "spa." It's enough for three-1 hour massages or whatever I want to use it for. I was floored and excited! I've never had a professional massage before and this place even does a prenatal massage! I'm hoping to have one done before Caleb arrives.

We were going to light an ice candle on Felicity's grave on Christmas eve, but due to the already fallen and falling snow, it was too hard for all of us to get into the cemetery and I knew the candle wouldn't stay lit for long. But being the great daddy that he is, Paul got through the snow and placed it on her grave and cleaned her headstone off. Hopefully we'll get a chance to light it soon. I'm stunned to think that this is our second Christmas without her. I look forward to kissing Caleb's chubby cheeks as they look so much like hers. While I haven't been so worried this past week, I'm feeling a lot more emotional than I have for quite awhile because of missing Felicity.

I'm exhausted already, from just typing this out and I want to try out my new vacuum a little more, so this is it. I'll be sure to let you all know when the induction is scheduled for.

Blessings,

Update

My apologies for not posting sooner. I forget that many of you who read this, aren't on Facebook and are probably wondering what's going on with Caleb.

Friday we had our 34 week appointment. Caleb continues to look good, no anemia and no hydrops. They're saying Caleb is already close to 6 lbs. (They admit to 10-15% error either way.) So our perinatologist said that after two more good appointments, he'll let us schedule our induction. We (me especially) are hoping that means anytime after 36 weeks, but I know the hospital has rules about how early they'll induce.

I admit I've been worried a lot lately about a repeat cord accident. I feel confident that the perinatologists at Maternal Fetal Medicine are capable of catching the anemia issue, but I worry about the cord. They check blood flow through the cord every week, which is reassuring, but in between appointments I worry. I know hiccups are common towards the end, but they are also a cause for concern as the doctor who studies UCA (umbilical cord accidents) in Louisiana believes that "too many hiccups and/or hyperactivity of baby" is a cause for concern that baby might be in distress due to a cord issue. So whenever Caleb has hiccups, I worry. I am so thankful when I wake in the middle of the night to use the restroom and feel Caleb move. (This doctor also believes that the majority of stillbirths occur at night when mom's heartrate lowers while she is sleeping.)

Please pray for me (for peace) and for Caleb to not have a cord issue. I think when he comes out, the first question out of my mouth will be, "Do you see any cord issues?" I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude as we wait, but I'll admit it's getting harder every day. I just want my baby safe in my arms. Please pray extra hard for us in the days and weeks ahead. I didn't fully realize how difficult this part would be until I got here.

Here's a photo I've been meaning to post (as much as I didn't want to). Remember that I've been pregnant 19 of the last 23 months and as such, my body is pretty much a mess!

Blessings,

Priceless

This is who snuggles with me every morning. I'm so blessed!

Promises

Lately when I open my Bible, I find myself flipping all around, reading a little here and a little there. Honestly, my main goal is looking for comfort and promises that Caleb will be alright.

Worry is a constant part of my day. I've learned to "turn the volume down" so to speak most of the time, but until he's in my arms, I'm worrying about him. Thus many of my personal prayers are for peace and trust.

I told Paul yesterday that I want to pick out 3-5 verses for both of us to memorize (though also have in print) for labor. I want those to be my focal points as I can only imagine labor is going to be tough: physically, emotionally, and mentally. I want the Holy Spirit to be completely present with us.

Here are some of the verses that I'm clinging to. Please comment if you have others you like. We haven't decided on our verses yet, so I'm still looking for suggestions.

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty, he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

Isaiah 51:3 For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord: joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody.

Isaiah 51:11 Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away.

Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Psalm 5:11-12 But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love they name be joyful in thee. For thou, Lord, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.

Psalm 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even unto his ears.

Psalm 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Psalm 31:7 I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities;


Have a blessed week,

Remembering

I'm doing quite a bit this weekend to get ready for Caleb's arrival. We had his 33 week MCA scan yesterday and he's still doing well! It was a longer appointment than usual though, as his head was in a difficult position for the tech to get a good reading.

So now that we've passed week 33, I feel the need to really get things ready. We have been told that if Caleb gets sick after 34 weeks, they would induce labor (or do a c-section, depending on how sick they think he is) and then do a blood transfusion with him out. This is apparently safer than attempting an intrauterine transfusion in late pregnancy.

We're praying this won't happen, but we need to at least be somewhat prepared for that scenario. Considering our distance from the hospital, we all need to have bags packed and ready as of this next week. As well as the car seat installed and diaper bag packed.

I finally got the tub of baby stuff up out of the basement (Thanks, Paul!). I opened it this morning. It's hard to explain the feelings I had as I was both excited and nervous about looking at the contents of the container.

You see, this tub holds the clothes and such that were hastily packed away after Felicity died. In it are the only girl clothes I have that were all intended for Felicity if she turned out to be a girl (remember we didn't know what we were having). Despite not seeing them for over a year, I remembered these pink and purple articles of clothing in detail. I had painstakingly purchased them before her birth, knowing I'd want her in pink immediately if she was a girl. The only piece missing is the pink cotton gown she was buried in.

As I unpacked them today and laid them out on the bed, I was caught up in sadness for a little while. Regardless of where I am or what I'm doing, Felicity's never far from my thoughts, especially during the holidays. I'm always wishing she was here and picturing what she'd look like and what she'd be doing. I imagine how excited she'd get over the Christmas lights and how we'd all be delighting in her excitement.

Needless to say, I didn't get much else unpacked. Those outfits are still lying on the bed. Once I get everything unpacked, I'll probably put them in my cedar chest rather than packing them away again in a tub. I think I'd like to have easier access to them if I want to look at them.

We took our family Christmas picture on Sunday. Paul and I debated about how to include Felicity. Last year we took a picture of all of us with me holding a framed of her. This year we decided to do something else. Here's the photo:

It turned out okay, I think. I'm sure everyone can relate to how difficult it is to get a good family photo. Usually somebody's eyes are shut, somone has a goofy smile, or someone else is out of focus. Despite the frigid temps here these days, I am usually boiling hot, which means I let my perfectionist tendencies go this year and settled on having it done versus pursuing the perfect photo. FYI - some of you will be the lucky recipients of this exact photo is just a day or two!

It's hard to believe that Christmas is only two weeks away! So much to do! We are blessed that Paul is able to take two full weeks off at Christmas every year. We so enjoy this time together as a family and this year won't be any different. The time always goes so fast!

Blessings,

Kleenex Snob

I have this thing about kleenexes, well more specifically a thing about kleenex boxes.


I don't have an unique decorating sense, but I do like things to be color-coordinated in rooms in my home. And I've become a little OCD about my kleenex boxes matching the color scheme for the room they're in.


I'm weird, I know.


For example, our living room is in tans, reds, and white so hence the kleenex boxes have to be tan or red, but I will waiver a little and use pink on occasion. We don't have large living room, but I sneeze often so there are three in that room alone. My kitchen is green so the kleenex box in there is green also. Do you get the picture?


Does this say something about my personality? If so, don't tell me what it is. I prefer to live in my matching kleenex box oblivion.


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CALEB UPDATE:


Yesterday was Caleb's 32 week MCA scan. He continues to look good, but they do want to start seeing us again on a weekly basis. I wasn't surprised at this, though Paul was. I figured this would happen eventually in the third trimester and I'm only surprised they didn't start doing it sooner.


Here's a glimpse of Caleb from yesterday. It's just a picture of a picture, I'm too lazy this a.m. to go downstairs and scan it. He's sure getting chubby!

Blessings,