The Sins of the Father

I don't often write about my divorce on my blog. It's not something that consumes much of my thoughts anymore, it's been over 7 years and in that time, God has made incredible beauty from ashes. Unfortunately though, my children will always be affected by my divorce.

Last Wednesday, my ex-husband (Ethan's biological dad) and his wife had a baby - Ethan's sister, Hope Elizabeth. I am happy for them and for Ethan, though sad for myself. Sad that Felicity isn't here too. Sad that Hope is now Ethan's only living sister.

We're delving into a whole new world, a world of siblings who will most likely only see each other once or twice a year (as is the pattern that has been established over the years since Ethan's dad lives 700 miles away). It's a world that brings confusion for Elijah - "why does Ethan have a new sister?" and someday for Caleb too. We've never used the terms "stepmom" and "stepdad." Paul is Ethan's daddy since he's been a part of Ethan's daily life since he was three. And we've never referred to Elijah, Felicity, and Caleb as Ethan's half-siblings (nor will we with Hope). But as the boys are getting older, they are asking more questions and answering them is more and more difficult.

We answer these questions truthfully, but they still don't totally understand. I want them to feel safe; that even though Ethan's dad divorced me, Paul and I will never get a divorce. The sins of the father (and mother) really do fall upon the children and the children's children. I don't want Ethan to feel like he had anything to do with our divorce.

All in all, I want them to grow up and make wise, godly choices. To live happy, fruitful lives. To honor God. But it's hard not to worry that our poor choices have already had a negative effect on their young lives and that it's only the beginning.

Paul and I pray daily over the boys. I know God is listening and I know He will protect them. It's just so obvious why God hates divorce. I wish more people understood that.

Caleb Update and Life on the Range

I'm a bad blogger.

I'm getting so caught up in all that needs to be done this time of year, that writing blog posts has been put on the back burner.

Last weekend my parents took the boys so that Paul and I could have a little alone time and time to get some projects done around the house. On Saturday we drove into WI to pick up the 1/2 beef, 1/2 pig, and chickens we ordered from a small farm that does 100% grass-fed beef and pastured hogs and chickens. That took up the majority of the day, but it was fun to talk with Paul and not be interrupted by little ones. Sometimes it feels like all we ever talk about when we're alone is the boys, but it certainly didn't feel that way last weekend. Plus, we now have two (yes, two) standing freezers full of meat for the coming year. If you've never purchased meat this way, we highly recommend it. Especially if you can get it grass-fed. It's a hit on the bank account, but then we don't have to buy much other meat so your monthly grocery budget decreases greatly.

I'd also like to say that my cooking skills have improved as I have tons of different cuts of meat that I wouldn't normally buy at the grocery store. This is our second year doing it, and last year, I had to learn how to cook certain cuts that I had never done before.

We also got the top bunk put together for Ethan. Both boys were sleeping together on the bottom, which is a double, but that stopped working this past fall and we had to have Ethan sleep in the spare room. Ethan is thrilled to be sleeping on the top and it has become his favorite place to read as well. And I'm thrilled to have them back in the same room and have our spare room back. I'm all for keeping them together as long as possible.

I did a bunch of cleaning in preparation for Caleb while the boys were gone too. Got out the changing table to some of the clothes. I ordered wipes. Next month I'll buy some disposables. I do cloth diapers at home mainly, but in the beginning, it's nice to have disposables on hand too. I buy wipes and disposables on Amazon.com, because it's much cheaper. Especially if you do the 'subscribe and save' option. Not to mention the free shipping and delivery to your door.

Once the boys' came home it was craziness again as usual, with school and AWANA and getting Ethan ready to spend a week with his dad for Thanksgiving. They left very early this morning to fly to Alabama where the majority of Ethan's paternal family lives. (His dad and new stepmom live in OH.) I miss him like crazy already. We've had some issues with him lately, but things have been improving greatly and I really felt the changes we had made are drawing us closer to him. It's hard not to have him with us and he wasn't too keen on going, knowing what he'd be missing out on at home. He's still adjusting to being with his dad once or twice a year and reconciling that wiht the rest of his life here. Definitely hits home to me that God hates divorce. I can see now how much better our lives are, but there's still many ramifications, the majority of them being for Ethan who is the innocent one in it all.

It will be weird parenting Elijah as a single child this week. But it will give us an opportunity to focus on him, especially before Caleb arrives. Plus Paul is on vacation the entire week - WOOHOO!

Yesterday was Caleb's 30 week MCA scan. He did well again. I read into everything the doctor says, of course, while Paul's able to remain completely objective. I got the feeling that Caleb's numbers were "okay" as opposed to "great" like in past scans. We don't have to go back for two weeks and by then, we'll be nearing the home stretch. We still have a birth plan to write and decisions to make about delivery. Our closest hospital does not have a NICU, so we're debating about delivering in the cities, so if something does happen after birth, he won't be separated from us. Please pray for wisdom in making these decisions.

Have a great weekend and a blessed Thanksgiving!