Busy Happy Mama

Sorry for my lack of posting. It's not because things are going poorly. In fact, they're going really well. Sure I could use some additional sleep, but other than that I can't complain.

Caleb's bilirubin levels were normal when I took him to the doctor on Monday. They don't need to check him again until one month of age. He's looking and doing great! No more prayers needed on the "poop front." We're good. Seriously, you can stop praying now! Because of his Hemolytic Disease (which is the medical name for what he's dealt with), he still needs to be monitored until about two months of age, unlike other babies just dealing with jaundice which for them typically peaks by the seventh day of life. I'm not sure if I explained that before or not.

We're adjusting to life with a baby - how it affects parenting other children and homeschooling Ethan, but we're all happy to make whatever adjustments needed. Elijah has stepped up to the plate of being a big brother. Sure, he still has his moments, but for the most part I'm really impressed with how he's handling his new role.

I'm loving my little men more now that Caleb has entered our lives. I think about Felicity often as well, but haven't felt any overwhelming grief since Caleb's birth. I just look at him and trust in God's plan for our lives.

And yes, I'm still working on that birth story. Maybe it'll be ready to post this weekend?

We're Home!!!

Finally, as a family of five, we arrived home yesterday afternoon. Paul and the boys had been staying in the cities with my parents during my hospital stay with Caleb, so that Paul could be close to me and close to work. It's SOOO good to be home! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your prayers.

I want to include the full hospital stay story in Caleb's birth story, which I hope to write soon. As much as there is to do when you have a newborn, I find it really important to write it out as soon as possible so I don't forget details.

But in the meantime, I'll tell you that Caleb is doing well - nursing, sleeping, and being alert, which is very important for a baby with hyper bilirubin levels (HDFN) so that we know he's doing okay. The bilirubin makes him incredibly tired, so if he was sleeping around the clock, we'd definitely have to take him in.

I take him to the doctor tomorrow morning to get his levels checked again. The NICU docs told us to expect them to have risen. If they are up too high, they will order us a bili "blanket" to use at home. Hopefully nothing more extreme will need to be done unless his levels skyrocket. Until then, please pray that he continues to poop and pee A LOT as that is now the only way the bilirubin can get out of his little system.

Blessings!

28 Week MCA Scan

Thanks for your prayers! Caleb looked great again on Friday's MCA scan. They also did the Bio Physical Profile which he passed with flying colors and a growth scan (that wasn't scheduled). We found out he's gaining well, at just over two pounds. It'll be interesting to see how accurate they are with actual weight when he's born.

We are so thankful to be going another two weeks without having to go down for another appointment. I'm also finally off my progesterone injections as of a couple of weeks ago.

I finally mailed out the dishrags to those of you who won them. All except one and she'll understand why when she actually gets hers.

We've finally had some beautiful fall weather here and yesterday we went down to Taylors Falls for a little hike (and pizza and ice cream!). It's always fun to get out with the whole family.

And finally, I'll be the first to admit I'm the most boring blogger in the world and push 'publish post' now and put you out of your misery.

Blessings,

Going Backwards?

It's starting to hit me that Caleb could be here in 6 weeks.

I don't think I've explained this before. Because of the risk of anemia, if Caleb stays healthy until 34 weeks and then develops anemia, they would take him out (method to be determined) and do a blood transfusion afterwards, rather than doing an intrauterine one which involves more risk.

I don't particularly want him to be born that early.

My biggest concerns about when he is born are his health and how long he would have to be in the hospital, though I will admit, the idea of waiting until the end of January is not appealing.

I feel like my thoughts have gone backwards in terms of birth. I am still an active supporter of homebirth (having had two) and an advocate of natural childbirth (no drugs/medical interventions), but have found myself in a position where neither is an option. Homebirth is COMPLETELY out of the question due to the risks involved with Hemolytic Disease of the Fetus or Newborn, though I haven't ruled it out for a future baby who does not carry the little c antigen. And as for natural childbirth, at this point I am planning an induction around 38 weeks.

After losing Felicity at 41 weeks, the thought of waiting for labor to happen naturally (should Caleb remain healthy, with no sign of anemia) is terrifying. I know I would constantly be worried him being stillborn. Even now at almost 28 weeks (tomorrow), I worry A LOT! I am so thankful whenever I feel him moving inside. Those movements or the movements of future babies will never be taken for granted. Those movements tell me my baby is alive!

So this birth will be an interesting journey. We won't even know up until the point of induction/c-section where Caleb will be born or what the days/weeks after his birth will hold.

I am NOT ready for Caleb to be born in six weeks. There is so much to be done around here to prepare for him: meals to make and freeze, changing table to be brought out and stocked, clothes to wash, bassinet to be purchased, car seat to install. I'm ready to do all these things and yet, I'm not. While I pray daily for a healthy baby and truly believe he will be born okay, the thought of having to pack all the stuff away should something go wrong is so unbearable.

Tomorrow is Caleb's 28 week MCA scan and Bio Physical Profile. Pray for us tomorrow and in the coming weeks. Pray for good communication between Paul and me. Pray for Caleb to stay healthy. Pray for peace for the boys as this is hard for them too. I want to tell them their brother will be fine, but I can't, not after what happened with Felicity. We are very appreciative of your faithfulness in prayer!

Caleb's 24 Week MCA Scan

Just a quick post to let you know that Caleb's scan yesterday went great! He had no sign of fluid building up in his body (hydrops), which can be a concern with HDFN (Hemolytic Disease of the Fetus or Newborn and the blood flow in his Middle Cerebral Artery was normal, far below the point where anemia would suspected.

We will continue on a two week schedule seeing as how he is doing so well. He was also head down yesterday, which is a first for these scans. They give us tons of pictures every scan, but I've been bad about posting them. I'll try to get some up soon.

We're all stuffed up here in MN. Elijah's been struggling with a cold all week. Anyone have any good ideas for teaching a three year old how to effectively blow his nose? I'm seriously considering one of those bulb syringes they use on babies, if I thought we could hold him down to do it without hurting him.

And to top it all off, we just had our first snow last night (yep, snow in Oct. in MN!) and poor kid thinks he's going to be going outside today to play in it. But it's only 26 degrees right now and he was outside all afternoon yesterday with my dad.

I'm off to spend the day winterizing our beds and stuff, while Paul is hopefully able to winterize the lawn mower, four-wheeler, tractor and chickens. I'm also hoping to do a bunch of cooking to get a head start on the week. Should be a busy day.

Thanks to you all who took the time to watch the video of Felicity's first birthday. I am very glad with how it turned out and that it brought many of you joy versus sadness. While earthly life without her is sad, eternal life with her will be beyond anything I can imagine.

Blessings,

Week 20 MCA Scan and a Field Trip

Caleb had a great scan again today, praise God! We are so thankful as we learned today that the longer he goes without developing anemia, the less likely it will be that he develops it at all. We also learned that the earlier a baby develops Hemolytic Disease, the more severe it tends to be. This really is a week to week learning experience.

Before the boys and I headed down to the cities for my appointment, we were able to take a field trip to a town about 15 miles away to see the traveling Vietnam memorial. It is a half scale version of the real monument in Washington, D.C. While I have seen the real one myself, I don't know if the boys will ever get to, so this was a neat experience. It is a very solemn one, especially considering that 8 years ago America faced its worst terrorist attack ever.

I found myself in tears as I read a letter a woman had left at the memorial. It was wrapped in plastic with a flower and two pictures, a wedding one and a photo of a man in uniform. The letter began:

Dear Mike,
Today would've been our 40th wedding anniversary. We didn't even get to celebrate our first anniversary.

So sad! The rest was folded so I couldn't read it, but it was never meant for my eyes anyway.

The boys were able to explore some old army vehicles, even climbing inside a convoy truck. It was neat to talk with some of the veterans there who were volunteering.

I am so thankful for all those who were willing to make such sacrifices for our country.


Blessings,

Quick Update

This afternoon we had Caleb's first MCA scan (MCA stands for Middle Cerebral Artery). All looks good this week and they checked pretty much everything else too. Thanks for your prayers! Caleb's waving to all you faithful prayers warriors out there! I've got a miserable cold so I'm not much in the mood for blogging tonight. Have a great weekend!

Blessings,

Good News

Thanks for all your kind words and prayers for Caleb and our family! I was so blessed reading your comments from my last post.

What a week so far! I don't know if it's pregnancy or stress, but I've been absolutely exhausted this week. Thankfully I'm sleeping soundly at night other than bizarre dreams (definitely pregnancy related!) and multiple trips to the bathroom.

After a few days of processing what may lie ahead for us, Paul heard back from the genetics counselor that Caleb's chromosomal study came back normal! Praise God!

Paul was able to talk to her and ask some questions we were hoping to have answered on the 28th. He found out that if Caleb does need a blood transfusion before birth, it would be scheduled within a week, rather than having to go to the hospital immediately. It would also only take about 2-3 hours, though the actual transfusion only last 15 minutes or so. That was a relief to hear!

My mom also found a group online of moms dealing with similar antibody issues that I was able to join. I learned a lot while reading their entries last night and sending messages to them. Most everything I learned was positive. Only one mom had lost a baby, but that was due to an undiagnosed antibody issue. Many of the moms had had multiple transfusions but never any major concerns. The biggest issue seemed to be care for baby after birth. The anemia can cause severe jaundice (which if not treated can go to baby's brain), so many of the babies were in NICUs or under bilirubin lights for multiple days.

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On a lighter note, I have to share some funny sayings from my almost three year old (where has the time gone?!)

Ever since Elijah was a nursling, he has been very attached to a mole on my arm. He used to touch it while he was nursing and since he's been weaned, he's been even more attached to it. He always wants to sit on "da mole side" of me and throughout the day will come over to me to cuddle and touch the mole. It's weird, I know, but Ethan did it too! The other night I was in bed already (did I mentioned I've been exhausted?) while Paul was getting the boys ready for bed. Elijah came into the room and crawled up on the bed to say goodnight to me. He smiled at me and said, "Daddy likes to sleep right next to you, he can reach out and touch the mole!" (And for the record, Paul is not attached to the mole!)

Yesterday we went to a friend's house to play. She has two boys - a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old. Her littlest is sooo cute and just a "little peanut," which is what I kept calling him. Later when we were home and eating lunch, Elijah was talking about playing with the two boys. He said, "I know where dat (that) big boy's bed is, but I don't know where dat little peanut beeps (sleeps)."

Out of the mouth of babes!

Blessings,

THE Test Results!

I'm sitting here on the couch in a state of shock. I just got THE CALL! They were actually supposed to call Paul at work and tell him the results, but they called our home number instead.

The chromosomal study is NOT back yet, but the antigen test is.

Caleb has the little c antigen.

Even though I had thought out this possibility a million times already, it still didn't prepare me for the way I feel hearing that it's actually happening.

I called Paul immediately after I got the phone call and left a voicemail for him. So, he doesn't even know yet. (I won't be posting this until later, but I had to write it out now. It's that or become a crying mess though that seems a likely scenario regardless.)

So now I'm scheduled for weekly ultrasounds starting on Aug. 28th. I'll be 18 weeks then, which is when anemia can start affecting the baby. They scheduled me every Friday afternoon for about a month out and then she said after that they may want to see me more often.

I'll repeat what I've already said about these ultrasounds for those who may not be familiar with what's going on. They will be checking blood flow in an artery in Caleb's brain as well as in the umbilical cord to see how quickly the blood is flowing. A baby who develops anemia (which is the concern with having this antigen) will have to work much harder to pump blood to the brain.

We were told that if Caleb has the antigen he has a 65% chance of developing anemia. And the little c antigen can cause a more severe case of Hemolytic Disease of the Fetus or Newborn (HDFN) than other antigens.

If he develops anemia they will want to take blood from his umbilical cord (which involves sedating him) to test his hemoglobin (iron). If that's low then we're looking at blood transfusions (which requires hospitalization from my understanding). Both procedures have risks involved. There's also the chance we will have to induce early if he gets too sick. I'm very scared!

The boys and I picked out an outfit for Caleb the other day. I was excited to be able to do it because with my last two babies we didn't know until birth what we were having, so all purchases done ahead of time were in greens and yellows. This time we were able to pick out something distinctly for a boy. Hopefully we won't need to buy much for him due to all the hand-me-downs from the boys, but it will depend on how big (or little) he is since he'll be our first winter baby. While excited to pick an outfit out, I was also scared to buy something this early. But I been thinking a lot about what my friend Heidi told me about trusting God and "preparing for rain" and not just praying for it. (If you haven't seen "Facing the Giants" you need to!)

Scared yet hopeful, we will continue to pray and prepare for blessings! Please pray with us!

Blessed Beyond Measure

Seeing your baby on an ultrasound is amazing! There is nothing like it, other than holding that baby in your arms. Here's how yesterday went. We have to travel about 45 miles to get to the University of MN Hospital where I'm being seen by Maternal Fetal Medicine. Whenever we head to the cities, I usually try to get several things done while were there and yesterday was no different. Thankfully we headed down early because at about 10:45 (my appt. wasn't until 1:30), I got a phone call from the genetic counselor we were going to be meeting with.

She apologized for calling so last minute, but was wondering if we could come in by 12pm instead. They were hoping to test Paul's blood to see if his chromosomes carried 2 little c antigens or one little c and one big C (confusing, I know). Anyway, if they could determine that he has two little c antigens then we would know for sure that baby #5 has the antigen and the amniocentesis wouldn't be necessary. If though, he had one big C and one little c then the baby would have a 50% chance of having the little c antigen and we would still need to do the amnio.

Not having an amnio certainly appealed to me as I was (and am) very concerned about the risk of miscarriage, though it's a very small risk (less than 1%). But not having the amnio would also mean that this baby is at great risk for developing Hemolytic Disease of the Fetus or Newborn (HDFN) because of having the antigen. So Paul left work and picked me up and we rushed down to the hospital.

They took Paul's blood and then we met with Cherie, the genetic counselor. We had to go over about 4 generations of family members to determine any risks that this baby might face. (With the way our government and health care are going, it felt a little like genetic profiling.) After that was done and Cherie shared more details with us, we rushed off to grab a quick bite to eat.

When we returned the results for Paul's blood work were back. He has one little c antigen and one big C which means the baby and every baby in the future has a 50% of getting the little c antigen. Then we waited a long time to get in for the ultrasound. They do an u/s before (and during) an amnio to determine good pockets of fluid and to see how baby is doing. It was the most detailed u/s I've ever had with a pregnancy. And like I said earlier, it was amazing to see our baby!

After the ultrasound, the perinatologist came in to do "the procedure." They no longer do a local anesthetic, which was little frightening. The doctor told me I'd feel "a pinch and then cramping." I'd say that was a fairly accurate description of the way it felt, though the cramping was pretty intense. Not to mention I was tipped back so my feet were higher than my head, so my legs got all numb. The whole thing lasted (in my estimation) about 60-90 seconds. Afterwards they checked the baby's heart rate again on the u/s. Then I had to go down to the lab for a blood draw so they can confirm that the cells in the amniotic fluid are the baby's, not mine.

We opted to do the chromosomal study as well as the antigen test. That way if anything is detected in a later u/s during the pregnancy, they will have the chromosomal study to compare it to, rather than having to go through another amnio later on. The doctor did see something in the u/s that was slightly concerning and that was the measurement of the baby's arm and leg bones. She said that were a little shorter than normal and that could be an indication for Downs Syndrome.

It was a little scary hearing that. We would love a child who has Down's Syndrome like any other baby that God gives us, but our concern is how a baby who has Down's would be able to handle HDFN if he/she has the antigen. We will find out the results of the chromosomal study in 8-10 days. We will have to wait 2-3 weeks for the results of the antigen test. If baby has the antigen I will have to go down to the University Hospital every week starting at 18 weeks for weekly ultrasounds.

After 4 hours, we were finally done. It was a long afternoon, but Praise God it went well. I'm feeling pretty good today, some cramping but no spotting. They told me to take it easy for 24 hours.

Oh, and did I mention we found out whether baby #5 is a boy or girl? We did!

This is our son, Caleb! We are so blessed! Caleb was the name we had picked out for Felicity, had she been a boy. At first I wasn't so sure about using that name for this baby, but this baby most likely wouldn't be here if Felicity had lived, so they definitely have a connection to each other. The name Caleb means "faithful" or "brave." Both these adjectives are fitting for our son and our God!

Thank you so much for your prayers! You are a blessing to us and to Caleb!

Blessings,

Busy and Blessed

We've been busy the past week. The boys just returned yesterday from a long weekend at my parents. We're glad to have them back. Life is so different when they're not here. We did enjoy sleeping in though while they were gone. It's funny how sleeping in until 7:30 is such a luxury after you have kids.

While they were gone, we (okay, mostly Paul) stained the deck. This top picture was taken after Paul spent 3+ hours power washing it and it actually looks pretty good.

Here it is finished minus the rails and prior to lots of rain we received over the weekend. It looks way better than it did to begin with, though we both agree it's a job we don't want to do again for a LONG time.

We're blessed to be picking lots of veggies from the garden! If you've never eaten a carrot straight from the garden (after washing the dirt off of course), you have no idea what a carrot tastes like. They are unbelievable!

Finally one of my flowers bloomed. I opted this year to plant seed instead of spending money and buying flowers to plant. Thus it's taken a long time to see the first blossom. I specifically picked out a pink variety in honor of Felicity. And lastly, I'm blessed that the bread I left raising for OVER TWO HOURS while Ethan and I started school today, seems to have still turned out. Ethan volunteered to be the official tester in a few minutes.

ON A SIDE NOTE - tomorrow is the 10 month anniversary of Felicity's death. I can't believe so much time has passed. I've been wavering between handling it fine and wanting to fall to pieces. Busyness has kept me from doing the latter, so far. AND FINALLY, Friday is my amniocentesis at 1:30 CST. I am doing okay with it though I'm not thrilled about the whole needle in my stomach part. I know God is working in our lives, regardless of the results of the amnio, but would sure appreciate your prayers especially in regard to protecting the baby from infection or miscarriage afterwards.

LATER TODAY (after having a very emotional evening) I STARTED TO FEEL THE BABY MOVING! PRAISE GOD!

Blessings,

Finding out Baby's Gender

I had a regular prenatal visit with Dr. B on Monday (Yay - for hearing baby #5's heartbeat again!) and we were talking about my upcoming amniocentesis. She asked if we were going to find out the baby's gender. I was kind of dumbfounded at first. I know they use amnios for a ton of diagnostic stuff, but I had completely forgotten that they would be able to definitively find out baby's gender with it as well.

I told her "Yes!"

Finding out this baby's gender is something that Paul and I have talked about long before this baby was even conceived. When I was pregnant with Ethan and going through the start of my divorce, I decided to find out what I was having because at that point I needed as much stability in my life as possible. But with both Elijah and Felicity we chose to wait to have a delivery surprise.

I was quite content with Elijah to be surprised (and I was!), but with Felicity, I was kind of hoping we'd find out before she was born. Paul was pretty adamant about not finding out. He relished his role in Elijah's birth of being the one to announce, "It's a boy!" I knew he was looking forward to that with Felicity's birth too. Unfortunately due to the circumstances of her birth he didn't have the opportunity to do so.

Fairly soon after Felicity died I told Paul it was something we needed to talk about. I laid out my feelings on the subject. I felt it would be very important for us and especially for our boys to bond with this baby by name while still in the womb. With Felicity, it felt like we met her and said goodbye to her in the same day, even though I carried her for 9+ months. The next time I wanted us to cherish the baby as a specific person for as long as possible, even if we knew something was wrong and the baby wouldn't live.

So at my urging, Paul has agreed to find out this baby's gender. I know he's excited to know even if he won't get to make an announcement at baby's birth. We're working on names now. I want names that capture how much we want this baby and how much we're trusting God no matter what happens. I want this baby to have a name that is a legacy to him or her.

With my amnio just 9 days away and results (according to Dr. B) taking a week or so, we should be able to name this baby soon! Ethan is thrilled that we'll be able to find out. It's something very concrete for him especially since we've tried to be very honest with the boys about not knowing if this baby will live with us or live in Heaven. I just can't tell him that everything will be alright when I don't know for sure. Hopefully he sees us trusting in God and can do so also.

How about you all? Did you find out baby's gender or wait and why?

"How are you doing?"

This is a question I keep hearing a lot lately as we've shared the news of baby #5 with family and friends. It is still such a loaded question, but I'm learning to deal with it. Do people mean pregnancy-wise, in relation to grief, or how we feel about this antigen/antibody issue?

So, how am I doing, you ask?

I'm doing okay.

Pregnancy-wise, this time around hasn't been as hard as Elijah or Felicity's pregnancies. The progesterone shots that Paul gives me twice a week helps a lot with the nausea and overall first trimester ickiness. It's a catch 22 though. Any pregnancy symptom, however uncomfortable, is a relief. When I'm feeling good I start to worry that something has happened to this baby. I have an appointment on Friday afternoon with Dr. B. I'm praying she will be able to easily find a heartbeat. That will be such a relief. Thankfully Paul will be with me if she can't.

I'm still so concerned I'm going to lose this baby! It's on my mind constantly so I'm trying to quote verses about not being afraid and not worrying. Before I lost Jeremiah, I hoped that he would be born, but in my heart of hearts I was prepared for a miscarriage. I was constantly checking to see if I was spotting or bleeding. I'm farther along with this baby, going on 12 weeks, but I think it's going to be a fear I deal with most of this pregnancy. I see so much suffering now in the world. It's always been there but it wasn't real to me until I was a part of it.

As for the antigen/antibody issue, I feel like I'm preparing myself for the news that this baby has the antigen. I know God can do anything, but I think it's easier for me to assume the worst than to hope for the best and be disappointed. Does that make sense?

I keep reminding myself how special this baby is regardless of the length of his/her life. I'm hoping to be able to give this baby a name that captures how thankful we are for him/her no matter what happens. Life begins at conception, not when baby is born!

So did I answer your question?

Appointment Update

Thanks everyone for your prayers!

I was quite emotional going into the appointment after trying to decide whether to check yes or no on the survey sheet they gave me as to whether or not I "have emotional concerns or need counseling." AUGH! I just put a question mark. That along with the multiple bulletin boards in the waiting room with hundreds of pictures of beautiful, healthy, smiling babies made me start to tear up.

I was able to get control of myself until I had to tell the nurse who saw us first about Felicity. It's just so hard and I don't always know how people are going to react - whether they'll be gentle or brush it off like it's nothing.

After that we spent quite of a bit of time talking with the resident doctor. She went over most everything with us and answered what questions we had before we met with the doctor. Here's the low-down:

Paul has antigen c in his chromosomes which he most likely passed to Felicity. Our blood mixed at some point (probably during her birth) and my body produced an antibody to it - meaning my body wants to fight off any red blood cells with antigen c in them. We need to determine whether the baby also carries this antigen. This will be done with an amniocentesis (a needle inserted into my uterus to withdraw amniotic fluid) on August 7th. They need to wait until I am 15 weeks along to do it.

If the baby does not carry this antigen (a 50% chance), then all will be fine and this pregnancy can proceed normally. However if the baby does carry this antigen, I will be closely followed via special ultrasounds to see if the baby is developing anemia (a 65% chance). They will do this by watching an artery in the baby's brain to see how quickly the blood is being pumped. An anemic baby's heart will have to pump blood much more quickly than a healthy baby. These ultrasounds would happen every week most likely.

Then if baby develops anemia, a cordocentesis will be done (taking blood from the umbilical cord which involves baby being sedated for the procedure) to test baby's iron level. This will determine the need for blood transfusions which could happen every 2-3 weeks or more often in the beginning. If baby is not doing well, an early induction will be considered.

It was very helpful to get the big picture and to know a little of what the future holds. The doctors were VERY nice and really answered all the questions we had. We will also see a genetic counselor on August 7 as this antibody issue could affect every baby from here on out. Elijah is not affected by this thankfully. Usually the first child in these cases is not a carrier.

Please continue to pray! While having an amniocentesis is not unusual, it does carry risks of infection and miscarriage. But by doing this we will know for sure whether or not this baby is at risk and can proceed accordingly. If you've had one, I'd be interested to hear about your experience.

We may also have the opportunity to be a part of a trial at a hospital in Milwaukee that is testing baby's blood type through mom's blood. This is routinely done in Europe but due to federal regulations and lack of studies in the US, it is not considered as conclusive as amniocentesis yet. It has great promise though because it is completely non-invasive, unlike amnios. Being a part of it could give us more information as well as help set standards for moms in the future dealing with these types of issues. We are waiting to hear more information about if from the doctor.

Thanks again for all your support! It is such an encouragement to us! Ethan often reads your comments over my shoulder and it is having an impact on him, knowing that so many care and are praying.

PAUL- please correct me in my comments if I missed anything or got any info. wrong. Love you, Babe!

Blessings,

Please Pray for Baby #5

Yes, we are expecting another baby - we're hoping that this baby will join our family in January. I am 10 weeks and we were actually planning on waiting awhile longer to share this happy news, but unfortunately circumstances that have developed are creating the need for much prayer. This baby's story actually starts back in February.

Most of you know that I was pregnant back then with baby #4. I went to see my doctor at the beginning of Feb. where they took my blood and confirmed the pregnancy and so forth. Then on February 22, baby #4 (whom we named Jeremiah) went to Heaven to be with Felicity.

Shortly thereafter I received a weird letter in the mail from the University of Minnesota blood bank. It stated that my blood had tested positive for an antibody to red blood cells known as anti-c. The letter stated, "This does not indicate any problem with your personal health, but is important for future blood transfusions." It included a card that I needed to carry with me.

I didn't quite understand it all, but it didn't seem like I needed to do anything other than carry the card with me and let my doctor, Dr. M, know the next time I saw her. Dr. M actually called and left a message saying how sorry she was about my miscarriage and how she would be willing to talk with me at anytime. She never mentioned the antibody issue nor said that I should call her back. Since I was quite an emotional wreck at the time, I never returned that call.

Fast forward a couple of months to April when I received another letter from my doctor stating that she was going to be leaving my clinic in June to practice elsewhere. I felt this was confirmation that when I got pregnant again, I should go ahead and start going to a Christian, pro-life clinic where I could receive progesterone therapy if my levels were indeed low.

Then on May 24, we found out baby #5 was coming! We were thrilled and scared. Our main fears were (and are) another miscarriage or a repeat cord accident. I know I've shared before that repeat cord accidents are extremely rare, but I've since learned the opposite. In fact, there is a doctor in Louisiana who practices solely with parents of stillborn babies to prevent repeat cord accidents.

The next day I began going to the Christian, pro-life clinic for progesterone therapy as I found out that my levels were indeed low. I hadn't yet transferred my records to the new clinic as they didn't need to see me again for OB care until I was 12 weeks. Then on June 1, I got a voicemail from Dr. M saying that it was her last day at the clinic and she wanted to check in with me to make sure I was okay. Again, it was an emotional day and I just couldn't call her back. I figured I could write her a note letting her know I was okay at a later date. But then she called back two more times that day, finally stating in her message that she needed to talk to me THAT DAY about the antibody issue. So I called her back.

She told me that this antibody issue is serious in relation to pregnancy - that it can lead to anemia in the baby and that she had referred me to Maternal Fetal Medicine at the University of MN. She just never really said how serious so I kind of pushed it out of my mind after briefly talking with Paul about it. I mentioned it to my midwife who started doing her own research. She called us back, told us what she had found out, and told us that we really needed to follow up on this SOON!

Well, the drama didn't end there. During all this, Maternal Fetal Medicine had called my clinic back saying they didn't want to schedule an appointment with us until both Paul and I had blood work done at our own clinic. Unfortunately, because Dr. M had now left the clinic, both the referral and the order for blood work needed to be reordered by another doctor. So I had to go to the clinic and start all over.

So I saw the first doctor with an available appointment and of course, had to tell her the whole long complicated story. Dr. B was really nice and didn't get all weirded out by my homebirth experiences- she actually had some positive things to say about homebirths. She ordered an ultrasound for me that day as they were still waiting to hear back from Maternal Fetal Medicine about what blood tests to run. She figured it would be best to make sure this pregnancy was progressing normally (aka "viable") before doing all the blood work.

I was so nervous going into the ultrasound appointment. I had to go the hospital where we found out Felicity had indeed died and being there is always stressful for me. Not to mention the last ultrasound I had there confirmed that Jeremiah was gone. Thankfully Paul was able to meet me there. The baby looked great! Heartbeat was good and we could even see some little arm buds. What a relief! The due date corresponded well with my calculations.

Over the course of the next week we both had our blood work done and found out we both have this antibody. The most likely explanation to all this is that Felicity carried this antibody and when she died, her placenta must have partially separated before birth and our blood mixed.

So now we have an appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine this coming Tuesday, July 7th. Oddly enough it's at the same hospital where seven years to the day I was laboring to deliver Ethan into the world. (His birthday is July 8th!) I've spent a lot of time talking with my midwife who has done a ton of research for us and also much time online researching myself. I don't understand much of the medical lingo but this is the synopsis.

This antibody can cause my body to see the baby's red blood cells as foreign and destroy them, thus causing anemia. This can lead to a condition called Hemolytic Disease of the Fetus or Newborn. It can range from moderate to severe. It can cause stillbirth, heart failure due to fluid collecting in baby's body, or severe jaundice. Treatment can be as involved as intrauterine blood transfusions during pregnancy or nothing may need to be done other than careful monitoring of baby's growth. There may also be a need for an early induction before fluid collects in baby's organs.

I am assuming that this pregnancy (and all pregnancies from here on out) will be closely monitored. I am hoping to find out a lot more at our appointment on Tuesday.

We DESPERATELY want this baby! I have given this little one back to God many times so far, but I'm praying that God's will is that this baby will join our family! Please pray for a healthy little one, peace during periods of waiting, and wisdom to make wise choices.


THANK YOU!