Tuesday, April 7, 2009

100th Post - Part C

Here is the third and final installment in my "100th post series." I found that my life didn't add up to 100 bullet points so the rest are just random and useless facts about me.

67. Feb. ‘07 – We move from city to country and our first home together. We go from a little over 700 square feet to 2500+, but don't worry no one ever got lost and we filled the space rather quickly.
68. We begin our homeschooling journey in Sept. 2007.
69. Feb. ‘08 Find out I’m not a hypochondriac, but am indeed pregnant.
70. We all suffer through another pregnancy and anxiously await the birth of our third baby.
71. On Oct. 6, 2008, our lives are irrevocably changed when our daughter, Felicity Faith, is born into Jesus' arms instead of ours.
72. We buried Felicity on Oct. 11, 2008.
73. We begin the long process of finding our new normal - still working on that one!
74. On Jan. 29, 2009, we find out we have another baby on the way - Praise God!
75. On Feb. 22 that baby goes to heaven too. At the prompting of a new friend, also a grieving mommy, I pray and ask God to tell me whether that baby was a boy or a girl (I was only 7+ weeks along.) God answers that prayer in a card from my mother-in-law. Inside is the verse Jeremiah 33:3, "Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not."
76. We name our baby boy, Jeremiah Daniel. (Daniel is for the dr. who tried to save Felicity.)
77. I learn a lot about myself through grief
78. I learn a lot about others through their reactions to my grief.
79. Many people say that when you lose someone close to you, you are never the same person again. I'm struggling with this. I want to be the same person - happy, hopeful, loving and in many ways I am. I am happy, but not as much as I used to be. I am hopeful, but cautiously so and with a more eternal perspective. And I'm still loving, but deeper and with some emptiness because I can't physically love everyone I'd like to.
80. I struggle sometimes hourly or daily with grief, but know that even when I'm down, God's lifting me up.

And now for those random facts:

81. I'm a clean freak.

82. When I'm stressed out, I clean. Weird, I know, but it helps me feel like I have some control in my life.

83. I LOVE to read.

84. Some of my favorite books/stories include Jane Eyre, A Ring of Endless Light, Pride and Prejudice, Anne of Green Gables, Thorn in My Heart (and sequels), and many, many more.

85. I rarely use the words “hate” and “sucks”, but being a grieving mom sucks and I hate that my babies aren't here.

86. I love the feeling of clean sheets, especially when it’s warm enough to not wear socks to bed.

87. I'm married to an "older man" and other than my fear of him dying before me, I love our age difference.

88. I love to cook, dislike cleaning up afterward, and moderately like to bake.

89. I love trying to be all-around healthy but know it can be an obsession if I allow it to.

90. I am currently trying to grow my bangs out. I'm not sure I have the patience for it. . . or the forehead.

91. If I were to ever have to go back to school, I think I'd want to be a midwife.

92. I need to work on holding my tongue.

93. I wear long skirts as often as I can. I first began doing so because I felt like I needed to be different than the culture. I liked the idea of looking feminine. I learned to like the feel of wearing skirts. I feel feminine when I wear them. I do wear pants though and am not legalistic about it. But if I had more skirts that fit me while I'm pregnant and afterward, I'd wear them all the time.

94. I LOVE coffee with cream and flavored stevia in it! Yum!

95. I love music and movies.

96. I'm looking forward to watching the following movies in the coming weeks: Faith like Potatoes (at redboxes now!), The Widow's Might (started watching it last night and it's very entertaining!), and Inherit the Land.

97. We are trying to break into Christian movie making as a family. We can recommend many God-honoring films if you'd like some suggestions.

98. I'd love to write a book and I'm currently working on something though it may not pan out.

99. I currently have a raging case of Rearrangeitis. Unfortunately my lack of upper body strength has curbed some of my symptoms.

100. I don't mind personal questions - I'd rather have people ask, then sit back and wonder.

If you enjoyed these three posts, please do your own. I'd love to read them!


Molly Koop said...

I absolutely don't mind the link at all. The Lord is so good to reveal to you such "great and mighty things"!
I agree, too, that the prayer on my most recent post says so beautifully the words I can't form myself. I hoped that by sharing the prayer that others would find comfort. I hope that is true for you, dear friend.

Sharleen said...

It was nice getting to learn more about you, Rachel!

Persuaded said...

you are right.. grief does change you forever. of course my own situation is different from yours, but i have found that i'll never be the same person i was before. i used to kind of nag at God asking Him *why* these heartbreaks had to come into my life. i thought i was a just fine, very nice person before... and our intact family was a much *better* witness for Him (see, i was *only* concerned about my witness, wasn't that great of me?)
over the years, i have learned that God is much less concerned with my witness than He is with my character and the truthfulness, intimacy and transparency of my relationship to Him. everyone else in my little world was convinced by my "just fine nice," but the Lord was not impressed;)

that verse in psalm 119 has become a mantra of mine... it was good for me to be afflicted, that i might learn your decrees. the law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of gold or silver.
God bless you dear♥

Heidi said...

girl I think we ARE like twins separated at birth or something freaky.... #77-#92, #97-100 ditto!

Jennifer Ross said...

First of all, I want to apologize for not commenting on your last few posts. I haven't done a whole lot on blogger lately. Just really busy.

I enjoyed reading about your life and all of the ups and downs. We all have our low points, and I appreciate you sharing yours.

I thought the coolest thing out of the 100, was you and your husband saving your first kiss together until you were married.

I'm am thankful to have found you as a friend, suffering with great loss together, rather than alone.


Anonymous said...

I have enjoyed reading your three part blog. It is nice to get to know you a little better!