Kleenex Snob

I have this thing about kleenexes, well more specifically a thing about kleenex boxes.


I don't have an unique decorating sense, but I do like things to be color-coordinated in rooms in my home. And I've become a little OCD about my kleenex boxes matching the color scheme for the room they're in.


I'm weird, I know.


For example, our living room is in tans, reds, and white so hence the kleenex boxes have to be tan or red, but I will waiver a little and use pink on occasion. We don't have large living room, but I sneeze often so there are three in that room alone. My kitchen is green so the kleenex box in there is green also. Do you get the picture?


Does this say something about my personality? If so, don't tell me what it is. I prefer to live in my matching kleenex box oblivion.


--------------------------------------------------------


CALEB UPDATE:


Yesterday was Caleb's 32 week MCA scan. He continues to look good, but they do want to start seeing us again on a weekly basis. I wasn't surprised at this, though Paul was. I figured this would happen eventually in the third trimester and I'm only surprised they didn't start doing it sooner.


Here's a glimpse of Caleb from yesterday. It's just a picture of a picture, I'm too lazy this a.m. to go downstairs and scan it. He's sure getting chubby!

Blessings,

Addiction

I have an addiction. Okay, I have a few addictions, but this one has been consuming me lately.

It's not necessarily a bad addiction, but it's there nonetheless. This is my addiction:
Yep, these nasty old sandals are my addiction. (Sorry for the vertical photo - blogger won't let me fix it.) They are OLD and being that they were so cheap to begin with, they have not aged well. I bought them while pregnant with Elijah and have happily worn them for the past three years and through two pregnancies. I LOVE THEM!

I'm not a shoe person. I have probably 10 -12 pairs but that's for all seasons. So for the summer season, I have about 3 pairs that I wear regularly, if you don't count exercise shoes and my nasty garden shoes. Anyway, this pair is worn the most. They're black (albeit faded) so they go with everything. They have a stretchy band which provides for utmost comfort (whether pregnant or not) and they make that oh so annoying "FWAP, FWAP" sound when I walk. But I just can't throw them out. We're going to a museum tomorrow and will be doing a lot of walking and I already know these beauties will be making my feet happy the whole day.

I'd happily buy another pair or three and I've searched just about every store and online extensively, but cannot find them anywhere. They were purchased at Wal-Mart and every time I'm there, I drag the kids back to the shoe section in the hopes that they will have them again. But I'm always disappointed.

As you can see they no longer have any tread left. I thought a few strips of those things you can put in your bathtub to avoid slipping would help, but even those are starting to wear off.

I'm sad.

I think after the summer is over, I will have to send these sandals off to the shoe cemetery (aka the dump). I will miss my addiction.

Please leave a comment if you've seen these sandals for sale anywhere. You could buy them for me, charge me triple the cost and then we'd both be happy.

Countrified

My original slant when I started this blog a couple of months before Felicity died was, "a city girl's perspective on life in the country". I realize I've not written much about my perspective on life in the country, but am resolving now to begin doing so. And it was all inspired by the gift I received on Saturday from my sister-in-law, Annette. Yup, that's the gift on my head - a bonafide gardening hat.

And if the above picture fails to give a good view of this hat, here's another photo from the side. (That's a frog on the side. And don't worry he's not lonely. There's a bee, ladybug, flower and sun to keep him company, not to mention all those sunflowers.) If I wore this hat in the city, I'd get some looks, but out here in the country, it's actually quite the fashion. With our lack of trees and major wind here, this large of a hat could make me airborne. But, hey, the boys would love it. For once I'd be a fun mom. And if all else fails, this hat could certainly be hung on the wall for decoration.

Along with the hat delivery, my brother-in-law brought us four new family members. We've named the hens Feathers, Omelet, and Henny Penny. In my opinion, naming our animals is half the fun of owning them. Of course, I may regret doing so if we butcher them later in the year and my children have bonding issues later in life.


And this handsome guy is Peter Drumstick. Peter is in honor of my bro-in-law.

With the rising food costs, we're going to put them to work right away. So far we've received one egg (unfortunately brown, not golden). They are free-ranging it for the first time today. Hopefully after two days of being cooped up (literally) they'll willingly return to the coop at the end of the day. I'm also hoping they'll lay their eggs in the nest boxes rather than under our pick-up truck, though I doubt Elijah would have any problems crawling under the pick-up to retrieve eggs. I'm just not sure the eggs would survive.

So, as a former city girl I'm learning about caring for chickens. The advantages are the eggs and the experience for the boys. The drawback would definitely be the poo. I didn't realize chicken poo is so large.

And lastly, while it doesn't have anything to do with chickens, I thought I'd further embarrass my stud of a husband in this photo taken at our AWANA carnival last week. My women's group always does a theme game and this year we all dressed up as Egyptians. It was A LOT of work, but also a lot of fun (for about an hour :)

Stay tuned for another country living post sometime in the next week. Topic: Septic tanks. Seriously.

I Want. . .

. . .my babies back.

. . .my body back.

. . .my carefree life back.

. . .to have broken relationships restored.

. . .to change the world.

. . .peace, not just in moments, but in every moment.

. . .to be pregnant.

. . .to believe that I'll birth a live baby, who screams at birth.

. . .to give my boys hope in a sibling.

. . .to feel joy without a tinge of sadness.

. . .to have a joyful faith.

. . .to never question God.

. . .to not be angry.

. . .Jesus to return and take me Home.

I'll take whatever I can get.

My Past in Pictures

I cleaned out a bunch of photo boxes recently. I must have thrown out 20 lbs. of photos. Before there were digital cameras (or before I ever owned one), I always ordered double prints, because I never knew how my pictures would turn out - so anyway, I had LOTS of photos. When doing this cleaning project, I realized I needed to start scanning my photos, so I could have a better way of preserving them. Well, yesterday I finally started this project and thought I'd share some pictures from my past.

This is me with my brother and cousins in 1983 - I was 6-7 yrs. old and I'm the one with the broken arm.

This is me and Tweety (one of three "pet" birds I raised) in '85. Oh, noticed the outfit I'm wearing (I wish the photo showed more of it as it was one of my favs). Love the big plastic button in front. Yes, I'm a child of the 80's.

1991 - Me in my volleyball uniform as a freshman. I had a short volleyball career - one season. The girls on my team were too catty for my liking, so I got a part-time job rather than playing another year. I still had braces in this picture and my hair. . . remember a little product known as "Sun-In?" I used it a lot.

Also 1991 but shortly after my braces came off. I thought my teeth looked huge for weeks. This was taken with my besties, Joolee and Billi Jo right before our first DC Talk concert. I hugged Toby Mac that night! *Sigh*

1993 - my first missions trip to Galeana, Mexico (in the mountains). This trip prompted me to learn how to shave my legs and armpits with a safety razor as there would be no electricity for my mom's hand-me-down electric razor. I haven't looked back since. I still remember the names of the girls in this picture - Alma, Olga, and Berenice. They probably have kids of their own by now.

1994 and Prom. Or at least our own prom since between the six of us, we went to 4 different schools. So we scrapped the idea of going to a school dance. Instead we got all dolled up, took pictures, went out to eat at a fancy restaurant, went to a park and goofed off, and then had a sleepover and watched videos. Good times!

1994 - my favorite senior picture and probably fav picture ever of myself. Taken on the shore's of Lake Superior while camping with Joolee and her family - more good times! Thank you Denny, (Joolee's dad) for taking these photos.

'95 or '96 - Just love this picture because of all the pretty fall colors.

And finally, with some of my students while teaching during my methods placement in 1997. I also remember these girls: Meredith, Rose, and Marisa. I sure feel old when I realize that they would be old enough to have graduated from college already!

Now, I'm going to tag the following people to do the same - share at least 5 photos from their past with captions.

Sara

Diane

Sharleen

Heidi

Molly

100th Post - Part C

Here is the third and final installment in my "100th post series." I found that my life didn't add up to 100 bullet points so the rest are just random and useless facts about me.

67. Feb. ‘07 – We move from city to country and our first home together. We go from a little over 700 square feet to 2500+, but don't worry no one ever got lost and we filled the space rather quickly.
68. We begin our homeschooling journey in Sept. 2007.
69. Feb. ‘08 Find out I’m not a hypochondriac, but am indeed pregnant.
70. We all suffer through another pregnancy and anxiously await the birth of our third baby.
71. On Oct. 6, 2008, our lives are irrevocably changed when our daughter, Felicity Faith, is born into Jesus' arms instead of ours.
72. We buried Felicity on Oct. 11, 2008.
73. We begin the long process of finding our new normal - still working on that one!
74. On Jan. 29, 2009, we find out we have another baby on the way - Praise God!
75. On Feb. 22 that baby goes to heaven too. At the prompting of a new friend, also a grieving mommy, I pray and ask God to tell me whether that baby was a boy or a girl (I was only 7+ weeks along.) God answers that prayer in a card from my mother-in-law. Inside is the verse Jeremiah 33:3, "Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not."
76. We name our baby boy, Jeremiah Daniel. (Daniel is for the dr. who tried to save Felicity.)
77. I learn a lot about myself through grief
78. I learn a lot about others through their reactions to my grief.
79. Many people say that when you lose someone close to you, you are never the same person again. I'm struggling with this. I want to be the same person - happy, hopeful, loving and in many ways I am. I am happy, but not as much as I used to be. I am hopeful, but cautiously so and with a more eternal perspective. And I'm still loving, but deeper and with some emptiness because I can't physically love everyone I'd like to.
80. I struggle sometimes hourly or daily with grief, but know that even when I'm down, God's lifting me up.

And now for those random facts:

81. I'm a clean freak.

82. When I'm stressed out, I clean. Weird, I know, but it helps me feel like I have some control in my life.

83. I LOVE to read.

84. Some of my favorite books/stories include Jane Eyre, A Ring of Endless Light, Pride and Prejudice, Anne of Green Gables, Thorn in My Heart (and sequels), and many, many more.

85. I rarely use the words “hate” and “sucks”, but being a grieving mom sucks and I hate that my babies aren't here.

86. I love the feeling of clean sheets, especially when it’s warm enough to not wear socks to bed.

87. I'm married to an "older man" and other than my fear of him dying before me, I love our age difference.

88. I love to cook, dislike cleaning up afterward, and moderately like to bake.

89. I love trying to be all-around healthy but know it can be an obsession if I allow it to.

90. I am currently trying to grow my bangs out. I'm not sure I have the patience for it. . . or the forehead.

91. If I were to ever have to go back to school, I think I'd want to be a midwife.

92. I need to work on holding my tongue.

93. I wear long skirts as often as I can. I first began doing so because I felt like I needed to be different than the culture. I liked the idea of looking feminine. I learned to like the feel of wearing skirts. I feel feminine when I wear them. I do wear pants though and am not legalistic about it. But if I had more skirts that fit me while I'm pregnant and afterward, I'd wear them all the time.

94. I LOVE coffee with cream and flavored stevia in it! Yum!

95. I love music and movies.

96. I'm looking forward to watching the following movies in the coming weeks: Faith like Potatoes (at redboxes now!), The Widow's Might (started watching it last night and it's very entertaining!), and Inherit the Land.

97. We are trying to break into Christian movie making as a family. We can recommend many God-honoring films if you'd like some suggestions.

98. I'd love to write a book and I'm currently working on something though it may not pan out.

99. I currently have a raging case of Rearrangeitis. Unfortunately my lack of upper body strength has curbed some of my symptoms.

100. I don't mind personal questions - I'd rather have people ask, then sit back and wonder.

If you enjoyed these three posts, please do your own. I'd love to read them!

100th Post - Part Deux

34. Broke my right arm twice; first time when my brother bucked me off his back (no one believed it was broken until it was already healing) and second time in gymnastics.
35. Got baptized at age 19 in the St. Croix River during the jr. high triathlon.
36. As a junior in college I changed jobs again and began caring for three mentally handicapped deaf women in a foster home. I loved learning sign language (S.E.E. - Signing Exact English)
37. I've forgotten most of the sign language I learned.
38. In ’97, met the man I would marry a year later.
39. After meeting him I began journaling which I have continued to do since then.
40. In ’98 I graduated from college, got married, and moved to Ohio (all in a 5 month period).
41. Began my teaching career by subbing for a year and then teaching for three years full-time.
42. Got pregnant with Ethan in 2001 (we had been trying to get pregnant for over a year) and was separated from my husband 3 months later. He decided he "wasn't happy" anymore and wanted a divorce!
43. Entered a really rough time in my life, being pregnant and separated, but God sustained me.
44. Finished teaching out the school year and then moved home to MN in May ’02.45. Moved in with my parents again so I could stay home with my baby.
46. Ethan Garrett was born July 8, 2002 after 21 hours of back labor. My dreams of being a mother had come true!
47. Met Paul, my future husband (unknowingly, of course) in January 2003 at a Bible study/support group.
48. He was wearing a red turtleneck and khaki pants and talked of work in vague terms so I assumed he worked at Target.
49. My divorce is finalized in May ’03 after 15 months of being in the process.
50. I begin working part-time (evenings and weekends) for Huntington Learning Center in Sept. of ‘03
51. I develop a secret crush on Paul.
52. One of our mutual friends says he should get married and have a van load of kids. I mentally volunteer!
53. I begin doing child care during the day for my boss’ daughter so I can continue to be home with Ethan during the day.
54. Paul and I began dating in Sept. 04.
55. I jokingly refer to our first 2 dates as “undates” b/c he never truly asked me out. He assures me he did.
56. On our first date (after two undates!) he tells me he wants to wait until marriage before kissing anyone and asks me if I can agree to that. I did and am so glad!
57. July ’05 Paul asks me to marry him and I agree. We plan a “planned” elopement.
58. Sept. 18, 2005 we share our first kiss (as husband and wife) after waiting almost a year.
59. We begin the “two year plan” before we have kids.
60. Three months later I’m pregnant!
61. Our honeymoon period involves immediate parenthood for Paul and a very pukey wife.
62. Ethan (3.5 at the time) asks me, “How do you go to the bathroom that way?” when he sees me puking for the first time.
63. We decide to plan a homebirth/waterbirth after much research.
64. End of July ’06 I quit working at Huntington and begin to enjoy my SAHM career.
65. Elijah James is born August 30, 2006, after 4 hours and 20 minutes of labor. I become a homebirth/waterbirth convert!
66. Sept. ’06, I finally complete my accreditation as a La Leche League leader after 2+ years of working on it.

Part C coming soon!

100th Post. . .Sort of

For my 100th post I thought I'd try to focus on something other than grief which seems to dominate this blog lately. So here's a 100 point timeline of my life. Obviously it's a long post, so I'm splitting it into three. I hope this helps you get to know me a little better. While typing it out I was reminded of a lot of things I'd forgotten about.

1. Born Rachel Ellen on October 28, 1976 in Hudson, WI (I won’t make you do the math, I’m 32.)
2. My name was going to be Rachel Elizabeth, but my dad decided it was too long. Ellen comes from my grandmothers' names: Elna and Florence Eleanor.
3. I’m the youngest – one older brother, Richard, who knew I was going to be a girl.
4. If I remember correctly, my name would’ve been Robert if I’d been a boy.
5. My earliest memory is of watching the maintenance man clean the pool at our townhouse. I was around the age of two.
6. I don’t have a lot of crystal clear memories from that point to about age 6 or 7 (is that weird?)
7. My first crush was in first grade. His name was Brian, but alas, he was held back and our one – sided romance ended.
8. Most embarrassing moment was when I was 8 or 9. I arrived at soccer practice but had forgotten we had team pictures that day. My mom wouldn’t take me back home to get my uniform. So in my team soccer picture I’m wearing a “Snuggle Me” t-shirt with the bear on it that advertises the fabric softener.
9. One of my favorite memories of grade school was starting a dirt collection: We sent letters to friends and relatives in other states and they sent us dirt which we bottled and labeled until the whole class had a bottle of dirt for each of the 50 states.
10. I am mad at myself still for giving my dirt collection to a girl that I babysat for about 18 years ago!
11. At age 12, I met my BFF Joolee.
12. My mom had been praying for a girl my age to start attending our church and God answered her prayers. Julie and I became “kindred spirits” immediately, despite her sitting in my armpits the first time I went over to her house.
13. I have many memories with Joolee, a lot of them involving her laughter- induced incontinence.
14. At about 12 I read the book, A Ring of Endless Light by Madeleine L'Engle and fell in love with the idea of being a marine biologist and working with wild dolphins.
15. Also that year my mom surprised me by getting me a kitten. I named her Cleopatra until we found out she was a he. I called him Cleo from then on.
16. Around age 13, I began my long and illustrious career as a babysitter. Fueled by my mom’s home daycare, I loved caring for kids.
17. I’m pretty sure I was 13 when I received my first kiss. It was a magical as any first kiss could be, though with 30+ years of life experience behind me now, I wish my first kiss had been on my wedding day.
18. 13 was also when I trusted in Jesus as my Savior.
19. The day after my 15th birthday, I started my first “job” at Dairy Queen. I worked one day and then they closed for 4 months for the winter season.
20. I continued working there for 3 years and remember making buster bars, dilly bars and ice cream sandwiches by hand. Now they are factory made for the most part.
21. At about age 15, I realized being a marine biologist involved moving to the west coast and away from my family. I abandoned that dream and decided to be a teacher instead.
22. One of my favorite things to do at this point in my life was rollerskating on Christian music night. I even opted to get rollerskates instead of a class ring. I rarely felt “cool” growing up, but at the roller rink I felt cool, when I wasn’t tripping over my own feet, that is.
23. When I was 16 I began working as a cashier at the local hardware store (with Joolee). It was my favorite part-time job. I quickly learned about left-handed hammers and solar powered flashlights thanks to the guys I worked with.
24. At 17 I got my license and learned how to drive a stick shift.
25. Got another part-time job cleaning at a retirement home.
26. At one point I was working three jobs at the same time – during the school year!
27. I enrolled in my state's post secondary enrollment option. I “skipped” my senior year of high school to attend the local community college – for free!
28. I got my first car that year; a yellow Honda Civic that I named Daisy.
29. Quit all my other jobs and began working with Joolee as a Personal Care Assistant for a family with an autistic child and a Down’s Syndrome child.
30. During high school I went on many trips with my youth group to places like New Orleans, Mexico, and Colorado. That pretty much sums up my travel experiences.
31. In ’95 I graduated from high school with a year of college already done.
32. I transferred to Northwestern College and majored in Elementary Education.
33. As a sophomore in college I started working with the youth group at my church. Loved it!

A Spring Makeover and more!

Here's my version of a spring makeover: painting my toenails! Hope you weren't looking for some radical new hairdo or something.

Yes, I know that I didn't "stay in the lines" while painting my toenails, but that how I do it. Then after a few showers, the paint on the outside gets worn off and voila, I've got perfectly painted toenails. Besides our weather reports are predicting snow, so I don't think I'll be wearing sandals anytime soon. (All comments about my feet will promptly be deleted!)


This is the view I saw outside my kitchen window a few mornings ago. It's hard to be upset about being up early when you get to see something like this. Pink sunrises and sunsets always make me think of Felicity in Heaven. I can only imagine her view trumps mine!


How's this for brotherly love? They love to cuddle but they also love to argue with each other. Elijah at 2.5 hasn't mastered the art of arguing, so he just bites when he gets really upset. Elijah's been in underwear now for the past week and a half! Woohoo! (He still wears a diaper over his underwear during naps and at night though.) He's tells me he's "holding it up" when he's holding it in. I'm so blessed!

Yet Again. . .

I've changed my blog layout. I hope this isn't distressing to anyone. Remember I said that my husband would continue to support my blogging habit as long as I never changed the picture of Elijah and the cows as my header picture. Well, he never said anything about the layout.

I feel like a new layout is as good as a new outfit. Only there's no shopping with whiny children, no horridly distorted changing room mirrors, and no price tag. It's BETTER than a new outfit!

And unlike a new outfit, which can't be returned easily, I can change my blog layout again tomorrow if I choose. But I won't. Going through all the available layout options is almost as annoying as. . . shopping for a new outfit.

If you remember, my last layout had a bunch of grey circles near the post and even when you scrolled down as you read, the circles went with you. I thought they were making my thighs look wider than they already are. So. . . I picked this layout instead. I'm thinking two daisies are better than a whole bunch of circles. I know it's a little off center, just like my shirt when I've got a 25 lb. toddler in one arm. And being off center, it helps to hide one of the daisies. Let me know what you think of my new look.

Does it make me look fat?