Merry Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas! We are so thankful for another year of health and happiness! We hope and pray that you and yours are healthy and happy also. Life may be hard at times, but God is always good!

It’s been another busy year for us. We continue to make improvements and additions to “the farm.” This year we added 2 hives of honeybees, about 20,000 bees. They are currently doing okay. Other than a taste (YUM!), we were not able to harvest any honey this year, which is standard for first year hives. It was a tough year for bees in general because of our very wet spring. Honey costs have gone up because of that, so we’re hoping for a decent harvest in 2012. Paul and my dad built a lean-to to protect the hives from the wind and weather. We also purchased a new batch of chickens this year, all about 10 weeks old each. We thought we were getting 9 hens and 1 rooster, but the summer would hold some surprises for us as one of our hens turned out to be a rooster. We quickly found out that 2 roosters is too many, especially when one becomes the “attack rooster.” He was butchered in October and provided enough meat for a couple of pots of stew. We lost two of our hens after a storm overturned the chicken coop in early August, but acquired a stray hen this fall. So we’ve currently got 7 hens and 1 rooster.

Caleb is 22 months old and a bundle of energy and enthusiasm. His vocabulary is increasing daily and I’m often surprised by what comes out of his mouth. He has learned to climb and run and get into trouble much quicker than his brothers did at this age. We are so thankful for all the joy he has brought to our lives.

Elijah turned 5 in August and began homeschool kindergarten. He is quickly learning to read and shows quite an aptitude for math especially. He loves to follow Paul around and help him with tasks. His sense of humor is quite entertaining and he is constantly telling everyone that he loves them. We appreciate his affection and desire to help.

Ethan turned 9 in July and started 4th grade. We continue to homeschool him and it has been such a blessing for us all. He’s becoming a very independent learner and has developed interests in iron ore boats, shipwrecks, and drama. With Paul’s help designing and building his car, he won 1st place at the AWANA grand prix in March, even setting a new track record for speed. He also spent lots of time this spring catching minnows in our ditch. Due to the benevolence of my aunt, Ethan started piano lessons in May and is doing very well. Both boys are involved in a homeschool co-op and are able to participate in more individualized classes. They also were able to spend 5 days with my parents in Copper Harbor, MI. Both boys have developed some archery skills this year thanks to my dad and Paul.

In October, we traveled to Washington state on the train. It was quite the adventure with all three boys. We spent two nights and a day getting there (in a sleeping car). While there we visited Mount St. Helen’s, walked through Ape Cave - North America’s longest lava tube, hiked through Lava Canyon, played at a couple of beaches on the Pacific Ocean, drove through the Cascade Mountains, hiked in a rainforest, and made a lot of memories before taking the train back home a week later. It was a great trip and we hope the boys remember it for a long time.

When Paul’s not working hard at Honeywell, he’s working hard at home. Not many days go by without me thanking God for him and his skills. He spent a day this fall moving ~6,000 lbs. of a mill and lathe (from work that were “scrap”) into our garage to set up in order to build things with the boys. He is such a good dad and husband. I retired from La Leche League this summer after almost 5 years of being a leader. There was a dwindling need for it in this area, though I continue to use what I’ve learned to help friends in a casual way. In October, both Paul and I stepped down from our positions at our church in order to start a new venture….starting a house church. This is something we’d been feeling God’s leading towards for quite some time. We really feel the need to have a truly family-integrated worship. We are starting slowly, but have already felt the blessings of doing this. We would appreciate prayers as we figure out how God would have us proceed.

Praying Jesus is at the center of your Christmas this year,
Paul, Rachel, Ethan , Elijah, and Caleb

A Day In the Life: Felicity's 3rd Birthday 10/6/11

HURRAY FOR ME FINALLY FINISHING AND POSTING THIS! (written to encourage myself to be a better blogger.)


6:31 a.m. - I find myself awake with Caleb (20 months) still snoozing next to me (he co-sleeps with us). I usually don't wake up this early unless he's awake already, but then I realize what time it is and I'm transported back to three years earlier. I would've just been about to enter the birthing tub with Felicity being born just 10 minutes later. I continue to lay in bed thinking about her and that traumatic day. It's difficult to reconcile the beauty of my only daughter with the shock and sadness that was her birth.



***On a side note, I just want to state that I continue to support moms and midwives in homebirth. For the majority of moms and babies it continues to be the safest place for babies to be born. I know that my daughter did not die because she was born at home.



6:40 a.m. - I get up, start some coffee, and reflect on the quiet that is my home. It truly is a rare occurence to wake up before any of the boys. I glance out my kitchen window to see the beginning of a beautiful sunrise. I process in my own thoughts that while I still miss and long for Felicity, it's rather impossible to feel grief anymore when I'm surrounded by such hope. (Remember that sadness and grief are different, with grief being much more intense.)


7:00 a.m. - Caleb walks into the kitchen and I immediately note (after thinking how cute he is) that he has obviously had a diaper issue. His whole belly area is wet. I grab him, change him, and go to assess the damage to our bed. The sheets and mattress pad are soaked. I strip the bed of everything and go downstairs to start washing the mattress pad. While this busyness in going on, I pray and thank God that I have a toddler to pee all over my sheets. He is such a joy to our family. I truly can't imagine fully processing the death of a baby without having another baby soon in your arms.



7:15 a.m. - We begin the breakfast process. As we are a non-cereal eating family (there are some exceptions!), breakfast is usually homemade granola for Ethan (9), peanut butter homemade toast for Elijah (5, with an additional side of fruit or yogurt some days), and whatever I think Caleb might eat well that morning (usually being something he hasn't eaten much of in the last 24 hours.) He is an interesting kid when it comes to food. One meal he will love what we eat and then if I offer it to him again the next day, he will totally refuse it.


7:30 a.m. - I shower while the boys eat. My mom is coming over to join us for a day of fun to celebrate Felicity. I'm not sure what time she'll be arriving, but I'd like to get an early start on the day.


8:45 a.m. - Everyone is dressed and pretty much ready to go. Boys are doing a few minimal chores and watching Caleb, while I go assess the laundry situation. I discover that somehow our mattress pad has shredded sometime during the washing/drying process. I'm quite confounded. I go upstairs to do a quick search on amazon for mattress covers. If we get to a Target or Walmart, I want to be prepared to compare prices and quality with what's on amazon. (Side note: I love amazon.com - I purchase many things through their subscribe and save program especially.)


9:15 a.m. - Gramma arrives to the delight of all the children. (Another sidenote: I love my mom and her devotion to my children. They are her only grandchildren and she thoroughly immerses herself in grandparenting them.)


9:30 a.m. - We head out the door. We're going to Stillwater. It's a great MN town, full of fun and quaintness. Our first stop is Aamodt's Apple Orchard.


10:30 a.m. - We arrive after a beautiful drive, despite Caleb's fussiness at times. As we pulled into the apple orchard, both my mom and I recognize it as a place we went cross-country skiing at when I was a preteen. While there we eat donuts and turnovers, walk around, and check out all the kiddy things to do: lame hay maze, swingset, and tractor bikes. It was packed, by the way. (Note the attempt to get a cute picture of all three boys together in the hay - totally an exercise in futility!)

11:45 a.m. Decide to head out for lunch. Never am I more thankful for our GPS than when there's a need to find food. Leeann Chin's was just a few miles away. Lunch was enjoyed by all.

12:45 p.m. Despite Caleb's impending naptime, we head for Teddy Bear Park. Fun was had by all for about an hour. Due to it being a school day, Ethan was the oldest child there and quickly organized a group of kids to play with. Elijah went off with a three and a half year old girl to play restaurant in the sand. And Caleb was just happy playing with a bucket and shovel in the sand.

2:00 p.m. - We head downtown to do a bit of walkingaround with the hopes that Caleb will fall asleep in his stroller. Ethan wants to find a toy store that we had gone to at least a couple of years ago. We can't find it unfortunately and after about 30 minutes, Caleb is still awake so we decide to head to our final stop, The River Market - a natural, whole foods co-op.

3:15 p.m. - Shopping is done, we're in the van and Caleb falls asleep almost immediately. We are home by 4:15 p.m., which means Caleb only gets an hour nap at best.

And by supper time, he is ready for bed....



Happy 3rd Heaven Day, sweet Felicity! We love and miss you always! (Caleb is at a stage where he is obsessed with babies and so he's noticed the pictures of Felicity around the house, so we've begun to talk to him about her and that she's in Heaven.)

Just Write

I love the idea inspired by Heather at Extraordinary Ordinary to just sit down and write about what's happening around you. No real topic, just real life.

Currently, Elijah's laying (or is it lying, can never remember) on the floor nursing a sore toe. He jumped up in the air and hurt himself on the way down. He's stuffed up from a cold he's been dealing with all week.

Paul's up and in full swing. He took out the stinky garbage after last night's supper of bbq ribs and started the dishwasher. Now he's chef extraordinaire, making breakfast for the boys while I laze around.

It was a rough night for me. In between Paul's snoring and Caleb's fussyness, I did not sleep. I approached him about breathe right strips this morning and he's reply was, "I was snoring last night?" I gently explained that if he's not snoring, then he's not asleep. The main issue for me is that he falls asleep way before I do, and then I can't fall asleep while he's snoring.

I'm debating whether I can skip exercising this morning. A friend is coming over around ten and it's currently 8:38 am, which would mean that I'd need to get off the couch now and get moving.

Yeah, I think I'll skip exercising.

It looks like we're finally going to have a beautiful fall day. Up until recently the weather was in the 80s and then it went to cold, windy, and rainy for the last couple of days.

I love Saturdays.

Well, my second cup of coffee is calling me, so I'm off the couch to retrieve it. I've been working on a post for Felicity's birthday, so hopefully I'll have that posted sometime in the next few days. Life is busy right now, so we'll see.

Almost 3 Years

Fall is in the air and I love it! It's always been my favorite season and I don't mind leaving the heat and humidity behind. We've had some cool days here and most every night has cooled off wonderfully. Despite my love of sandals and no-socks, I love the idea of layers of clothing and the crispness in the air.

Felicity is always especially present in my mind as fall approaches. I can hardly believe it's been almost three years. October 6th is just around the corner. We haven't planned anything special for the day - I think Paul is working, but I'm sure my mom will come up and I think we'll do something fun with her. Caleb will be 20 months old and that blows my mind too. He's at the age, where I'm contemplating being pregnant again. (Pregnancy isn't as simple as it used to be for me because of all the potential monitoring due to the antibody isoimmunization). So the thought of Felicity being 3 is mind-boggling. I imagine her with bouncy brown curls and wearing dresses. With two older brothers, I'm sure she'd be active and inquisitive. Oh, how I miss her presence in our family. I wonder what it would be like not being the only female in the house. How it would feel to have a little shadow. How it would feel to not have the shadow of stillbirth lingering over us. We were so naive before, though not necessarily in a bad way. We lived in a world that while we believe is full of death because of sin, we had just not experienced it in a personal way.

As I busily can tomatoes, freeze green beans, and deal with all the other garden harvest, I've had many hours to think about Felicity. I don't have to think about the pain anymore, I just want to think about her. My memories of her are being clouded by the years. If only we had more time with her, more memories to sustain us.

If only.

Pictures of Summer

Father's Day in Taylor's Falls, MN. Trying out my new camera while the boys climbed on rocks and drove their rock crawlers.

What a beautiful day for appreciating Paul and all he does for our family.

Spending lots of time in the car traveling to MI to visit family.



Having my grandparents in MI meet Caleb for the first time
and celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary with them.

Spending a short afternoon with Paul's dad in MI (He's 89 and runs a greenhouse still.) We're looking forward to having him visit in August.

Celebrating Ethan's 9th birthday and attempting to get a nice picture of our boys together. And this was before all the sugar consumption.



A quote on the wall of the MN Children's Museum that sums up perfectly how I feel about my life.

Self-face painting with some help from Mom.

More fun at the Children's Museum.

It's hard to believe that summer is already winding down (for those of us who start school in August anyway.)

Busy, busy, busy

It's been so long since I've posted that I forgot what my blogger password is. Shame on me. As summer eases itself into our lives, with it comes lots of work. Garden tending, lawn mowing, chicken care, beekeeping, and trying to soak in life when we're not working. Plus there's a very busy toddler to keep track of. Ethan began piano lessons a month ago so that's added to our weekly load too. Thankfully we have completed our school year. I can't believe Ethan will be in 4th grade next year and Elijah most likely starting kindergarten. I'm trying to do some reading instruction with Elijah this summer because he really wants to know how to read.


It's a busy, happy life. Even sweating while I weed the garden gives me a good feeling, knowing we're growing some of our own food and adding to our knowledge and ability to continue to do so in the future. Paul's been collecting all our grass clippings this year and I'm spreading them out in the garden each week to hopefully cut down on the amount of weeks. So far it's helping. And I have nicely tanned arms to boot. Our tomato plants are currently thriving and I'm hoping to get another nice crop. In addition to that, we've got watermelons, peas, cabbage, corn, cantalope, zucchini, yellow squash, pumpkins, three kinds of beans, lettuce, potatoes, broccoli, cucumbers, chives, onions, radishes, carrots, strawberries, and sunflowers. It's (hopefully) going to be a busy harvest time.

Caleb is going on 17 months and a bundle of happiness and energy. In the last month, he's become quite a cuddler. He gives us all hugs repeatedly throughout the day. Whenever he sees his brothers, he will offer a hug. He also kisses when asked and is perfecting his "fish lips" (sucking in his cheeks and puckering his lips). He's mastered the signs for "please" and "milk." Of all my boys I'd say he's the biggest "mama's boy" of them all, loving to be held and cuddled.

There's so much to be thankful for in spite of the busyness. And I'm thankful for blogging despite my current lack of posts. It's nice to be able to capture life in this way. Hopefully I'll have some pictures to post next time.

What We've Been Up To

Admiring the new bee "barn" Paul and my Dad built for our bees (which have not arrived yet....hopefully today!)

Swinging in a new swing from Gramma and Papa

Tending to the new chickens and hoping they start laying soon

Playing outside and catching minnows in the ditch

Getting dirty in the sandbox

Napping on the couch

Dressing up as a doctor

Taking swimming lessons

Hanging out at swimming lessons

Learning to trust his swim teacher