Going Backwards?

It's starting to hit me that Caleb could be here in 6 weeks.

I don't think I've explained this before. Because of the risk of anemia, if Caleb stays healthy until 34 weeks and then develops anemia, they would take him out (method to be determined) and do a blood transfusion afterwards, rather than doing an intrauterine one which involves more risk.

I don't particularly want him to be born that early.

My biggest concerns about when he is born are his health and how long he would have to be in the hospital, though I will admit, the idea of waiting until the end of January is not appealing.

I feel like my thoughts have gone backwards in terms of birth. I am still an active supporter of homebirth (having had two) and an advocate of natural childbirth (no drugs/medical interventions), but have found myself in a position where neither is an option. Homebirth is COMPLETELY out of the question due to the risks involved with Hemolytic Disease of the Fetus or Newborn, though I haven't ruled it out for a future baby who does not carry the little c antigen. And as for natural childbirth, at this point I am planning an induction around 38 weeks.

After losing Felicity at 41 weeks, the thought of waiting for labor to happen naturally (should Caleb remain healthy, with no sign of anemia) is terrifying. I know I would constantly be worried him being stillborn. Even now at almost 28 weeks (tomorrow), I worry A LOT! I am so thankful whenever I feel him moving inside. Those movements or the movements of future babies will never be taken for granted. Those movements tell me my baby is alive!

So this birth will be an interesting journey. We won't even know up until the point of induction/c-section where Caleb will be born or what the days/weeks after his birth will hold.

I am NOT ready for Caleb to be born in six weeks. There is so much to be done around here to prepare for him: meals to make and freeze, changing table to be brought out and stocked, clothes to wash, bassinet to be purchased, car seat to install. I'm ready to do all these things and yet, I'm not. While I pray daily for a healthy baby and truly believe he will be born okay, the thought of having to pack all the stuff away should something go wrong is so unbearable.

Tomorrow is Caleb's 28 week MCA scan and Bio Physical Profile. Pray for us tomorrow and in the coming weeks. Pray for good communication between Paul and me. Pray for Caleb to stay healthy. Pray for peace for the boys as this is hard for them too. I want to tell them their brother will be fine, but I can't, not after what happened with Felicity. We are very appreciative of your faithfulness in prayer!

Good News

Thanks for all your kind words and prayers for Caleb and our family! I was so blessed reading your comments from my last post.

What a week so far! I don't know if it's pregnancy or stress, but I've been absolutely exhausted this week. Thankfully I'm sleeping soundly at night other than bizarre dreams (definitely pregnancy related!) and multiple trips to the bathroom.

After a few days of processing what may lie ahead for us, Paul heard back from the genetics counselor that Caleb's chromosomal study came back normal! Praise God!

Paul was able to talk to her and ask some questions we were hoping to have answered on the 28th. He found out that if Caleb does need a blood transfusion before birth, it would be scheduled within a week, rather than having to go to the hospital immediately. It would also only take about 2-3 hours, though the actual transfusion only last 15 minutes or so. That was a relief to hear!

My mom also found a group online of moms dealing with similar antibody issues that I was able to join. I learned a lot while reading their entries last night and sending messages to them. Most everything I learned was positive. Only one mom had lost a baby, but that was due to an undiagnosed antibody issue. Many of the moms had had multiple transfusions but never any major concerns. The biggest issue seemed to be care for baby after birth. The anemia can cause severe jaundice (which if not treated can go to baby's brain), so many of the babies were in NICUs or under bilirubin lights for multiple days.

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On a lighter note, I have to share some funny sayings from my almost three year old (where has the time gone?!)

Ever since Elijah was a nursling, he has been very attached to a mole on my arm. He used to touch it while he was nursing and since he's been weaned, he's been even more attached to it. He always wants to sit on "da mole side" of me and throughout the day will come over to me to cuddle and touch the mole. It's weird, I know, but Ethan did it too! The other night I was in bed already (did I mentioned I've been exhausted?) while Paul was getting the boys ready for bed. Elijah came into the room and crawled up on the bed to say goodnight to me. He smiled at me and said, "Daddy likes to sleep right next to you, he can reach out and touch the mole!" (And for the record, Paul is not attached to the mole!)

Yesterday we went to a friend's house to play. She has two boys - a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old. Her littlest is sooo cute and just a "little peanut," which is what I kept calling him. Later when we were home and eating lunch, Elijah was talking about playing with the two boys. He said, "I know where dat (that) big boy's bed is, but I don't know where dat little peanut beeps (sleeps)."

Out of the mouth of babes!

Blessings,

THE Test Results!

I'm sitting here on the couch in a state of shock. I just got THE CALL! They were actually supposed to call Paul at work and tell him the results, but they called our home number instead.

The chromosomal study is NOT back yet, but the antigen test is.

Caleb has the little c antigen.

Even though I had thought out this possibility a million times already, it still didn't prepare me for the way I feel hearing that it's actually happening.

I called Paul immediately after I got the phone call and left a voicemail for him. So, he doesn't even know yet. (I won't be posting this until later, but I had to write it out now. It's that or become a crying mess though that seems a likely scenario regardless.)

So now I'm scheduled for weekly ultrasounds starting on Aug. 28th. I'll be 18 weeks then, which is when anemia can start affecting the baby. They scheduled me every Friday afternoon for about a month out and then she said after that they may want to see me more often.

I'll repeat what I've already said about these ultrasounds for those who may not be familiar with what's going on. They will be checking blood flow in an artery in Caleb's brain as well as in the umbilical cord to see how quickly the blood is flowing. A baby who develops anemia (which is the concern with having this antigen) will have to work much harder to pump blood to the brain.

We were told that if Caleb has the antigen he has a 65% chance of developing anemia. And the little c antigen can cause a more severe case of Hemolytic Disease of the Fetus or Newborn (HDFN) than other antigens.

If he develops anemia they will want to take blood from his umbilical cord (which involves sedating him) to test his hemoglobin (iron). If that's low then we're looking at blood transfusions (which requires hospitalization from my understanding). Both procedures have risks involved. There's also the chance we will have to induce early if he gets too sick. I'm very scared!

The boys and I picked out an outfit for Caleb the other day. I was excited to be able to do it because with my last two babies we didn't know until birth what we were having, so all purchases done ahead of time were in greens and yellows. This time we were able to pick out something distinctly for a boy. Hopefully we won't need to buy much for him due to all the hand-me-downs from the boys, but it will depend on how big (or little) he is since he'll be our first winter baby. While excited to pick an outfit out, I was also scared to buy something this early. But I been thinking a lot about what my friend Heidi told me about trusting God and "preparing for rain" and not just praying for it. (If you haven't seen "Facing the Giants" you need to!)

Scared yet hopeful, we will continue to pray and prepare for blessings! Please pray with us!