Monday, December 29, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Well the great knob war is over and Paul won. Actually I won with the number of votes being 5 to 4 - I wanted the knobs at hand level. The only reason we reach up to open the pantry is because the only other option is to bend down and open it from the bottom.
But as the war ensued, I began to rethink my stance. Elijah would have easier access to the pantry with the knobs lower and it would probably take me some time to recondition myself not to reach up to open that cupboard. Also, Paul wouldn't be able to use the handy jig my dad bought him to install them in the middle. It would require more of his excellent engineering skills to get them even and he'd already been working so hard. So I waved my white flag in surrender (figuratively, of course) I couldn't deny him this, he's just so darn cute!
Thanks for your input - now I know how to get comments on my blog and don't worry, I won't ban anyone, at least not today.
Above is one position in which the knobs could be placed, making them about hand-level.
Here is the other option, up at the top of the cupboard door at about chest level, which is where we've been reaching for the past almost two years to open this door.
Check out the rest of the blog too as she's got some great information to give!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
When you have 10 years or more with your child, you are missing a personality, a smile, a laugh, and a voice. I am missing Felicity, but I knew none of these things about her. I feel strange sometimes when the physical ache of missing her comes over my body and I have to have a good cry. I feel like I shouldn't be crying, because I don't know what I'm missing. Is my grief journey easier b/c I didn't know Felicity outside my womb? In many ways I think so. I don't want to discount Felicity's life or my grief, but I can only imagine how much sadder I'd be if I had lost her after knowing her for a longer period. How do I do this? How do I grieve a person I never really knew? I'm learning how as I go.
I'm learning that grief is SO different for every person. It depends on a lot of different factors. Grief for me is FULL of hope. When I say that, it doesn't mean I don't cry, don't get angry, or don't get overwhelmed at times with emotions and wonder why this had to happen to Felicity and our family. What it does mean is that I don't have to wonder where Felicity is. I don't have to wonder IF I'll see her again. Grief with HOPE means I can know that Felicity's in heaven and that we'll be reunited someday when the trump sounds and the dead in Christ shall rise. Grief with HOPE means I can cry some days and not on others. It means I can laugh and love and still remember my daughter. It means I can be enveloped by the Holy Spirit and feel comfort from God. And most importantly, grief with HOPE means that I can give others hope by sharing my REASON for hope - Jesus Christ.
Please pray for us that we would be joyful and bold in our faith. We want God to be glorified as Felicity's legacy. Please pray for comfort when we don't feel joyful. Thank you for all your kindness during this time.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Today while at Walmart, we again passed the baby girl dresses. I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me, but I stopped the cart and looked at them. I touched a couple of them and tried not to cry. I didn't allow myself to mentally pick out the one that would've looked best on Felicity. Maybe next time.
I miss my daughter and what could have been!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
We had made an ice candle in anticipation of putting it on Felicity's grave on this day. I think it turned out very nice. Since we don't have a headstone and won't until spring, we put some fake flowers in the ground awhile back and some stones in the shape of a cross.
The cemetery is quite beautiful and is adjacent to our church. It's out in the country, so just picture a beautiful country cemetery and that's where Felicity's body is buried. It was incredibly cold and had just snowed a bit the night before, so everything had a thin blanket of white, which was pretty.
While we were there, it got quite dark. The stars were coming out. We all looked up into the sky and yelled in unison, "WE LOVE YOU FELICITY!" And then I cried. . .a lot! The kind of crying I do now is so different from any other crying I've done in my life and it's pretty impossible to describe, but if you're a grieving mom, you know what I'm talking about. It takes a lot out of me, but after I've cried like that, I feel better, as if my tears help me feel healed. I hope Felicity feels my tears as hugs in heaven.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
I met Jesus today, Mommy! He cradled me in his big, strong arms. He made me feel so happy inside.
Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Matthew 19:14
I have lots of friends, Mommy. We run and play. We giggle and laugh. I can't wait to show you my secret hideouts!
Mommy, please don't cry. . .When I fall down, it doesn't hurt! There are no tears in heaven.
I've met a man named Noah. He told me about his big boat, all the animals, and the very first rainbow. Have you heard of Noah, Mommy?
Mommy, please don't cry. . .We have lots of parties here; with streamers and hats, and the best chocolate cake ever!
When it's time to rest angels tuck us in. I never get scared Mommy. There is no darkness here! Jesus is the light of heaven.
Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. Matthew 18:10
Mommy, please don't cry. . .The angels are always singing. I love to sing with the angels! You'd be proud of me, I have a pretty good voice. I must have gotten it from you.
There is a river, Mommy, in the most beautiful garden you could ever imagine. . . and a huge tree with yummy fruit. The angels call it the tree of life. Mommy, it's so wonderful to be alive in heaven!
Someday, Mommy, we will hold each other tight! Then you will cradle me in your arms, and stroke my hair. . .and once again, our hearts will beat together.
Mommy, please don't cry. . .I'll wait right here for you.
(While I don't believe Felicity is an angel in heaven, the Bible does say that in heaven we will be "as are the angels" Matthew 22:30, so I don't know if that includes wings. The paintings in the book do NOT show the children as angels, but the ones on the artist's website all have angel wings.)
Today marks 2 months of missing Felicity! Two months ago she was born into this world, but not of this world. Her sweet spirit had already gone to be with Jesus. While these two months have been the hardest of my life, I would never take them back if it meant not ever knowing Felicity. I am thankful God gave her to me! I love you Felicity!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thank you Amanda and the Schradle Family!
Thank you Bill and Lori!
Thank you Maureen!
Thank you Julie E.!