Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Spring Has Sprung

Well, it's officially spring as of this past weekend. "It's the vernal equonix!" as my seven year old told me. (That's how he said it!) Unfortunately in Minnesota, a date on the calendar saying spring is here, usually just means we've got another few weeks of winter left.

March this year has been unusual for us, lots of sunny days in the 40s and 50s, some rain and NO snow. It makes me a little nervous for how April is going to be. But I'm loving this weather while we have it. I don't care a lot for the extreme temperatures, so spring and fall are my favorite seasons.

There's so much to be done in the spring. I'm trying to go through the boys' clothing, putting away things that are too small and for cold temps and bringing out some bigger stuff and things that are more appropriate for these warmers temps. For those of you with multiple children, you understand how much work this chore is. Plus we're planning on having a garage sale, so I'm trying to stockpile everything that's going to be sold. I LOVE getting rid of things and it's even better if we can make some money in the process.

The boys have been playing outside every chance they get, getting covered in sand playing in the cold sandbox and riding bikes and trikes all around. They also didn't mind the many puddles the melting snow created. We saw our first bluebird of the season yesterday and today both he and his mate were all over the deck and flying around right by the window.

Springtime in the country means a horridly bumpy dirt road and planning and preparing our garden. We're opting for smaller this year and hoping to have less weeds since Paul's getting a new mower with a bagger and we can put the grass clippings in the garden. The chickens are laying again (yay!) and digging up the garden quite nicely. Only the rooster has been getting out of the garden so far which means that my new landscaping is again in jeopardy. I'm wondering if they will leave it alone once Paul moves the coop out of the garden and farther from the house.

I anxiously awaiting growth on both the landscaping plants as well as Felicity and Jeremiah's trees. I don't think the trees faired well over the winter and they may need to be replaced. I was hoping to do some landscaping around Felicity's headstone, but we found out on Sunday it's not allowed because things get in the way of mowing. We may try to place a permanent flower holder but drill it into the cement base so that it won't ever be moved.

Along with the itch to get things cleaned and organized, I'm thinking about doing some painting. I crave color, as weird as it sounds. We didn't do any painting when we moved in and so we have off white walls everywhere except the downstairs family room which is a buttery tan color. Maybe it's a midlife crisis?! I guess if painting is the extent of a midlife crisis, Paul will be getting off easy!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Sunday, March 14, 2010


Here's some recent shots of Caleb (and company).

Here's the front of Caleb's scrapbook that I made. I have made them for all my boys with a variety of pictures and sayings "decoupaged" on the album cover. Caleb had enough ultrasound pictures that I didn't need to use anything else.

This is the back cover and below is an inside page. I write a lot of descriptive stuff in their books and they love to read them and look at the pictures.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

One in my Arms, Two in my Heart

Thoughts and emotions have been swirling around me for many days, I just haven't had the time, energy, or words to blog about the way I'm feeling.

My big boys are at Gramma's today, so I finally feel like I'm able to write it out.

My heart is so full of love for this new little life we've been entrusted with. Every day, I'm overcome by the love I have for Caleb. And from this love, stems greater love for Ethan and Elijah too. I'm so thankful for my little men!

But I'm always remembering Felicity and Jeremiah and missing them. I'll be honest, because Jeremiah was miscarried so early, I don't quite know how to visualize what I'm missing. But with Felicity, I have a face, and pictures, and the memory of the weight of her in my arms.

When I took Caleb to the doctor last week for his one month appointment, he weighed 9lbs. 12.3 oz. and though I could tell he'd grown a lot, I couldn't believe he still wasn't as big as Felicity was at birth (9.15) I see little girls everywhere and am always comparing them to Felicity - whether she'd be bigger or smaller, more active or more talkative. It's so hard not knowing what she would've been like. I have to remind myself sometimes in my grief, that she is LIVING and WHOLE and PERFECT in Heaven, even if I can't see her....yet!

Today I was finally able to put words to why I have this overwhelming love for Caleb and all his cute baby-ness. It's because I'm not just holding him, I'm holding Felicity too. When I nurse him, it's the closest I get to nursing her. When I change Caleb's diaper and coo at him while he's on the changing table, in a way I'm interacting with Felicity too. I didn't get to do any of those things with her, and so I'm overcome with the emotions I have when I do them with Caleb. I'm loving two babies when I kiss him and snuggle him up close.

I wonder how these feelings will change over time. Will it always feel this intense?