Promises

Lately when I open my Bible, I find myself flipping all around, reading a little here and a little there. Honestly, my main goal is looking for comfort and promises that Caleb will be alright.

Worry is a constant part of my day. I've learned to "turn the volume down" so to speak most of the time, but until he's in my arms, I'm worrying about him. Thus many of my personal prayers are for peace and trust.

I told Paul yesterday that I want to pick out 3-5 verses for both of us to memorize (though also have in print) for labor. I want those to be my focal points as I can only imagine labor is going to be tough: physically, emotionally, and mentally. I want the Holy Spirit to be completely present with us.

Here are some of the verses that I'm clinging to. Please comment if you have others you like. We haven't decided on our verses yet, so I'm still looking for suggestions.

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty, he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

Isaiah 51:3 For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord: joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody.

Isaiah 51:11 Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away.

Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Psalm 5:11-12 But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love they name be joyful in thee. For thou, Lord, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.

Psalm 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even unto his ears.

Psalm 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Psalm 31:7 I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities;


Have a blessed week,

He Bore Our Sorrows

We went to church last night. It's been awhile since I've cried at church, though it used to be a place where the tears fell quickly and easily, whether I wanted them to or not.

We sit in various positions when at church. I like to sit next to Paul whenever possible. But with a squirmy toddler who needs to be barricaded in, Paul and I don't often get to sit side by side. Last night both boys were between us. The tears welled up in my eyes when I glanced to the right when Elijah said for the third time "Are we done?" and saw my two precious boys sitting there. It hit me that there should be a little girl there with them.

This time I didn't see Felicity as a little baby like usual, but as a little girl. She would've been dressed in a pretty dress with a bow or two in her curly brown hair. Her legs would've stuck straight out, not long enough to bend at the pew edge. She would've had white tights and shiny black shoes on. She would've been sitting between her brothers. But she wasn't there. So I cried, because I miss my daughter.

Today we went to the park after homeschool co-op and there were quite a few kids there. One was a little brown-haired cutie with a stocking cap on her head. She was about four years old. And her name was Faith. So I cried at the park too.

Isaiah 53:4-5 says, "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."

When our pastor read those verses last night, it struck me that not only did Christ bear all our sins upon the cross, but he also bore all of our sorrows, all of our pain, all of our hurts and discomforts, and all of our sadness. EVERYTHING! Christ bore on the cross everything that stems from SIN. Everything bad, sad, and hard in this world is the result of sin. He knows my griefs and sorrows and bore them on the cross for me.

The weight of my grief over missing my babies is unbearable at times. And Jesus bore mine and those of everyone else in the world! And someday "the redeemed of the Lord shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away." Isaiah 51:11

THERE IS WONDER-WORKING POWER IN THE PRECIOUS BLOOD OF THE LAMB!

A Gift

I've received some really sweet gifts since Felicity died, many from friends in bloggyland that I have never even met. Today I received a wonderful little care package from Kara, an old elementary school friend. We recently reconnected through Facebook. Check out her blog for a cute and informative story, especially if you own a cell phone and have a child under the age of three.

Kara sent me the book, Rain On Me by Holley Girth and I'm really looking forward to reading it. It's a devotional book of "hope and encouragement for difficult times." Just what I need right now. I just finished reading the forward by the author and I'm already thinking I'll be reading more than one chapter a day. Unfortunately the chocolate bar that Kara also sent me won't last through the second chapter. But I'll enjoy it while it lasts and it's chocolately goodness will linger on my thighs for many months as well.

Kara wrote a sweet note and included a quote from Anne Lamott, which I have to share. ". . .what I've discovered is that the lifelong fear of grief keeps us in a barren, isolated place and that only grieving can heal grief; the passage of time will lessen the acuteness, but time alone without the direct experience of grief, will not heal it."

It's so true! Whenever I find myself stuffing my grief, I find it that much harder to keep going. When I acknowledge my stuffed up grief, I end up having to play catch-up and it's so much harder. Like one step forward, then two steps back. I'm really finding with all the busyness around me that I have to stay up late or be by myself in order to just sit and feel, to remember and cry. And then eventually I pick myself up and go on, until the next time the grief hits me.

Romans 8:38-39 is the verse at the top of chapter one in this new book and when I read it, it was like I was reading it for the first time:

I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.

Despite Felicity's death, whether I'm afraid of dealing with the present or I'm hoping for the future, the depth of my grief can never separate me from the love of God. What a wonderful promise!

Why We Homeschool

This could be an incredibly long post as there are so many facets to homeschooling. I really want this to be concise and to the point. Have you ever heard this verse:

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

I'm sure the majority of you reading this have. It's Deuteronomy 6:5. But do you know these verses:

And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when though risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house and thy gates.

These verses are the three verses that follow Deuteronomy 6:5. How can I teach my children to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, and might, if I send them to public schools where they are taught that God does not exist, everything is relative, and parents don't matter? Educating our children is a God-given right, which is also a constitutional right. It is a right that is being closely watched by the government and which may become harder and harder to protect.

I don't know what all schools are like obviously, but I've taught and subbed in quite a few, and despite the presence of many godly teachers, I know this is not an environment where the majority of kids can flourish. I know there is much wasted time each day where the teacher is busily trying to keep up with too many students and just as many behavior problems.

I'm not writing this to condemn parents who send their kids to public school. I am writing this to state my beliefs on why we homeschool our children. And just so you know, there are many trying days when I think about how easy it would be to send my children to public school. But we persevere. I am blessed to have a husband who supports our family in homeschooling and provides so that I am able to stay at home. I know there are many families who would love to homeschool, but can't because of various reason. If you are a homeschooling family, I applaud you and I encourage you to keep going when it's difficult.

It's hard to stop there, but I will. I'd love to hear why you homeschool!