I don't often write about my divorce on my blog. It's not something that consumes much of my thoughts anymore, it's been over 7 years and in that time, God has made incredible beauty from ashes. Unfortunately though, my children will always be affected by my divorce.
Last Wednesday, my ex-husband (Ethan's biological dad) and his wife had a baby - Ethan's sister, Hope Elizabeth. I am happy for them and for Ethan, though sad for myself. Sad that Felicity isn't here too. Sad that Hope is now Ethan's only living sister.
We're delving into a whole new world, a world of siblings who will most likely only see each other once or twice a year (as is the pattern that has been established over the years since Ethan's dad lives 700 miles away). It's a world that brings confusion for Elijah - "why does Ethan have a new sister?" and someday for Caleb too. We've never used the terms "stepmom" and "stepdad." Paul is Ethan's daddy since he's been a part of Ethan's daily life since he was three. And we've never referred to Elijah, Felicity, and Caleb as Ethan's half-siblings (nor will we with Hope). But as the boys are getting older, they are asking more questions and answering them is more and more difficult.
We answer these questions truthfully, but they still don't totally understand. I want them to feel safe; that even though Ethan's dad divorced me, Paul and I will never get a divorce. The sins of the father (and mother) really do fall upon the children and the children's children. I don't want Ethan to feel like he had anything to do with our divorce.
All in all, I want them to grow up and make wise, godly choices. To live happy, fruitful lives. To honor God. But it's hard not to worry that our poor choices have already had a negative effect on their young lives and that it's only the beginning.
Paul and I pray daily over the boys. I know God is listening and I know He will protect them. It's just so obvious why God hates divorce. I wish more people understood that.