Monday, December 12, 2011

A Day In the Life: Felicity's 3rd Birthday 10/6/11

HURRAY FOR ME FINALLY FINISHING AND POSTING THIS! (written to encourage myself to be a better blogger.)

6:31 a.m. - I find myself awake with Caleb (20 months) still snoozing next to me (he co-sleeps with us). I usually don't wake up this early unless he's awake already, but then I realize what time it is and I'm transported back to three years earlier. I would've just been about to enter the birthing tub with Felicity being born just 10 minutes later. I continue to lay in bed thinking about her and that traumatic day. It's difficult to reconcile the beauty of my only daughter with the shock and sadness that was her birth.

***On a side note, I just want to state that I continue to support moms and midwives in homebirth. For the majority of moms and babies it continues to be the safest place for babies to be born. I know that my daughter did not die because she was born at home.

6:40 a.m. - I get up, start some coffee, and reflect on the quiet that is my home. It truly is a rare occurence to wake up before any of the boys. I glance out my kitchen window to see the beginning of a beautiful sunrise. I process in my own thoughts that while I still miss and long for Felicity, it's rather impossible to feel grief anymore when I'm surrounded by such hope. (Remember that sadness and grief are different, with grief being much more intense.)

7:00 a.m. - Caleb walks into the kitchen and I immediately note (after thinking how cute he is) that he has obviously had a diaper issue. His whole belly area is wet. I grab him, change him, and go to assess the damage to our bed. The sheets and mattress pad are soaked. I strip the bed of everything and go downstairs to start washing the mattress pad. While this busyness in going on, I pray and thank God that I have a toddler to pee all over my sheets. He is such a joy to our family. I truly can't imagine fully processing the death of a baby without having another baby soon in your arms.

7:15 a.m. - We begin the breakfast process. As we are a non-cereal eating family (there are some exceptions!), breakfast is usually homemade granola for Ethan (9), peanut butter homemade toast for Elijah (5, with an additional side of fruit or yogurt some days), and whatever I think Caleb might eat well that morning (usually being something he hasn't eaten much of in the last 24 hours.) He is an interesting kid when it comes to food. One meal he will love what we eat and then if I offer it to him again the next day, he will totally refuse it.

7:30 a.m. - I shower while the boys eat. My mom is coming over to join us for a day of fun to celebrate Felicity. I'm not sure what time she'll be arriving, but I'd like to get an early start on the day.

8:45 a.m. - Everyone is dressed and pretty much ready to go. Boys are doing a few minimal chores and watching Caleb, while I go assess the laundry situation. I discover that somehow our mattress pad has shredded sometime during the washing/drying process. I'm quite confounded. I go upstairs to do a quick search on amazon for mattress covers. If we get to a Target or Walmart, I want to be prepared to compare prices and quality with what's on amazon. (Side note: I love - I purchase many things through their subscribe and save program especially.)

9:15 a.m. - Gramma arrives to the delight of all the children. (Another sidenote: I love my mom and her devotion to my children. They are her only grandchildren and she thoroughly immerses herself in grandparenting them.)

9:30 a.m. - We head out the door. We're going to Stillwater. It's a great MN town, full of fun and quaintness. Our first stop is Aamodt's Apple Orchard.

10:30 a.m. - We arrive after a beautiful drive, despite Caleb's fussiness at times. As we pulled into the apple orchard, both my mom and I recognize it as a place we went cross-country skiing at when I was a preteen. While there we eat donuts and turnovers, walk around, and check out all the kiddy things to do: lame hay maze, swingset, and tractor bikes. It was packed, by the way. (Note the attempt to get a cute picture of all three boys together in the hay - totally an exercise in futility!)

11:45 a.m. Decide to head out for lunch. Never am I more thankful for our GPS than when there's a need to find food. Leeann Chin's was just a few miles away. Lunch was enjoyed by all.

12:45 p.m. Despite Caleb's impending naptime, we head for Teddy Bear Park. Fun was had by all for about an hour. Due to it being a school day, Ethan was the oldest child there and quickly organized a group of kids to play with. Elijah went off with a three and a half year old girl to play restaurant in the sand. And Caleb was just happy playing with a bucket and shovel in the sand.

2:00 p.m. - We head downtown to do a bit of walkingaround with the hopes that Caleb will fall asleep in his stroller. Ethan wants to find a toy store that we had gone to at least a couple of years ago. We can't find it unfortunately and after about 30 minutes, Caleb is still awake so we decide to head to our final stop, The River Market - a natural, whole foods co-op.

3:15 p.m. - Shopping is done, we're in the van and Caleb falls asleep almost immediately. We are home by 4:15 p.m., which means Caleb only gets an hour nap at best.

And by supper time, he is ready for bed....

Happy 3rd Heaven Day, sweet Felicity! We love and miss you always! (Caleb is at a stage where he is obsessed with babies and so he's noticed the pictures of Felicity around the house, so we've begun to talk to him about her and that she's in Heaven.)


Persuaded said...

Rachel dear... thanks so much for sharing your special day. Your boys are just beautiful and so are you! Your face has a peace and joy that is new- I actually teared up when I saw the picture of you with your youngest little man. The Lord truly does give us joy for mourning, does He not? Praying that He continues to weigh your dear family down heavily with blessings♥

Navigating the Mothership said...

Beautiful family. You are very inspiring with how you celebrate Felicity.

Foster said...

I love how you were thanking God for a leaky diaper. It is so hard to train yourself to switch things around like that. You inspire me. BTW your family is beautiful. I went back and read Felicity's story, and was in tears. Thank you for sharing. Check out my blog if you have time.