I've received some really sweet gifts since Felicity died, many from friends in bloggyland that I have never even met. Today I received a wonderful little care package from Kara, an old elementary school friend. We recently reconnected through Facebook. Check out her blog for a cute and informative story, especially if you own a cell phone and have a child under the age of three.
Kara sent me the book, Rain On Me by Holley Girth and I'm really looking forward to reading it. It's a devotional book of "hope and encouragement for difficult times." Just what I need right now. I just finished reading the forward by the author and I'm already thinking I'll be reading more than one chapter a day. Unfortunately the chocolate bar that Kara also sent me won't last through the second chapter. But I'll enjoy it while it lasts and it's chocolately goodness will linger on my thighs for many months as well.
Kara wrote a sweet note and included a quote from Anne Lamott, which I have to share. ". . .what I've discovered is that the lifelong fear of grief keeps us in a barren, isolated place and that only grieving can heal grief; the passage of time will lessen the acuteness, but time alone without the direct experience of grief, will not heal it."
It's so true! Whenever I find myself stuffing my grief, I find it that much harder to keep going. When I acknowledge my stuffed up grief, I end up having to play catch-up and it's so much harder. Like one step forward, then two steps back. I'm really finding with all the busyness around me that I have to stay up late or be by myself in order to just sit and feel, to remember and cry. And then eventually I pick myself up and go on, until the next time the grief hits me.
Romans 8:38-39 is the verse at the top of chapter one in this new book and when I read it, it was like I was reading it for the first time:
I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.
Despite Felicity's death, whether I'm afraid of dealing with the present or I'm hoping for the future, the depth of my grief can never separate me from the love of God. What a wonderful promise!