Friday, December 11, 2009

Remembering

I'm doing quite a bit this weekend to get ready for Caleb's arrival. We had his 33 week MCA scan yesterday and he's still doing well! It was a longer appointment than usual though, as his head was in a difficult position for the tech to get a good reading.

So now that we've passed week 33, I feel the need to really get things ready. We have been told that if Caleb gets sick after 34 weeks, they would induce labor (or do a c-section, depending on how sick they think he is) and then do a blood transfusion with him out. This is apparently safer than attempting an intrauterine transfusion in late pregnancy.

We're praying this won't happen, but we need to at least be somewhat prepared for that scenario. Considering our distance from the hospital, we all need to have bags packed and ready as of this next week. As well as the car seat installed and diaper bag packed.

I finally got the tub of baby stuff up out of the basement (Thanks, Paul!). I opened it this morning. It's hard to explain the feelings I had as I was both excited and nervous about looking at the contents of the container.

You see, this tub holds the clothes and such that were hastily packed away after Felicity died. In it are the only girl clothes I have that were all intended for Felicity if she turned out to be a girl (remember we didn't know what we were having). Despite not seeing them for over a year, I remembered these pink and purple articles of clothing in detail. I had painstakingly purchased them before her birth, knowing I'd want her in pink immediately if she was a girl. The only piece missing is the pink cotton gown she was buried in.

As I unpacked them today and laid them out on the bed, I was caught up in sadness for a little while. Regardless of where I am or what I'm doing, Felicity's never far from my thoughts, especially during the holidays. I'm always wishing she was here and picturing what she'd look like and what she'd be doing. I imagine how excited she'd get over the Christmas lights and how we'd all be delighting in her excitement.

Needless to say, I didn't get much else unpacked. Those outfits are still lying on the bed. Once I get everything unpacked, I'll probably put them in my cedar chest rather than packing them away again in a tub. I think I'd like to have easier access to them if I want to look at them.

We took our family Christmas picture on Sunday. Paul and I debated about how to include Felicity. Last year we took a picture of all of us with me holding a framed of her. This year we decided to do something else. Here's the photo:


It turned out okay, I think. I'm sure everyone can relate to how difficult it is to get a good family photo. Usually somebody's eyes are shut, somone has a goofy smile, or someone else is out of focus. Despite the frigid temps here these days, I am usually boiling hot, which means I let my perfectionist tendencies go this year and settled on having it done versus pursuing the perfect photo. FYI - some of you will be the lucky recipients of this exact photo is just a day or two!

It's hard to believe that Christmas is only two weeks away! So much to do! We are blessed that Paul is able to take two full weeks off at Christmas every year. We so enjoy this time together as a family and this year won't be any different. The time always goes so fast!

Blessings,

7 comments:

Jennifer Ross said...

That's a nice picture of you all together. I like Felicity's name on the bottom.
It's always nice to read that Caleb is doing well.

Marisa said...

What a beautiful photo. Good idea on how to include Felicity.

Amy said...

I think about Zach a lot around Christmas, too. I think it's all the songs about a newborn baby boy. I had such a hard time listening to those songs last year...like kept having to get up and walk out of church. I had forgotten about it until I heard Away in a Manger for the first time this year, and the tears came right back. It doesn't hurt like it did last year, but I still miss him a lot.

I can't imagine how much you must miss Felicity. I think it's great that she's included on your Christmas cards.

Glad you hear that Caleb's doing so well. You're all constantly in my prayers.

Heidi said...

We got your card today! It was our very fist Christmas card and it made me smile to see Felicity's name in your picture.

Mine are almost ready, I'm actually doing a letter this year, which I have never done before so we will see how that goes for me!

Sara said...

Great picture Rachel. I love how you included her. I know that is hard because you do want them included. I am getting excited for you to meet precious Caleb. I am praying for the Lord to hold you all in the palm of His hand. I am praying for you emotionally as you walk through the next weeks, so many thoughts, feelings and emotions all together I am sure. I just wanted you to know I was praying!
SAra

alexandersmommy said...

Rachel,

Nice looking family photo. I love how you included Felicity in the photo. In the past, our Christmas cards have only included a photo of Alexander. This year we're skipping the cards and celebrating Christmas but you've given me food for thought on how to include Alexander on future cards.

It's good to hear Caleb is doing well.

Ebe said...

We're praying for you sweet Caleb.

What a great family picture. I want to include Owen in ours too, but haven't figured it out yet. Last year in our picture, Chris held the teddy they gave us at the hospital- Owen's teddy.

I know you miss Felicity so much. It is such a painful loss, to be separated from a child.

love,
ebe