Busy, busy, busy

It's been so long since I've posted that I forgot what my blogger password is. Shame on me. As summer eases itself into our lives, with it comes lots of work. Garden tending, lawn mowing, chicken care, beekeeping, and trying to soak in life when we're not working. Plus there's a very busy toddler to keep track of. Ethan began piano lessons a month ago so that's added to our weekly load too. Thankfully we have completed our school year. I can't believe Ethan will be in 4th grade next year and Elijah most likely starting kindergarten. I'm trying to do some reading instruction with Elijah this summer because he really wants to know how to read.


It's a busy, happy life. Even sweating while I weed the garden gives me a good feeling, knowing we're growing some of our own food and adding to our knowledge and ability to continue to do so in the future. Paul's been collecting all our grass clippings this year and I'm spreading them out in the garden each week to hopefully cut down on the amount of weeks. So far it's helping. And I have nicely tanned arms to boot. Our tomato plants are currently thriving and I'm hoping to get another nice crop. In addition to that, we've got watermelons, peas, cabbage, corn, cantalope, zucchini, yellow squash, pumpkins, three kinds of beans, lettuce, potatoes, broccoli, cucumbers, chives, onions, radishes, carrots, strawberries, and sunflowers. It's (hopefully) going to be a busy harvest time.

Caleb is going on 17 months and a bundle of happiness and energy. In the last month, he's become quite a cuddler. He gives us all hugs repeatedly throughout the day. Whenever he sees his brothers, he will offer a hug. He also kisses when asked and is perfecting his "fish lips" (sucking in his cheeks and puckering his lips). He's mastered the signs for "please" and "milk." Of all my boys I'd say he's the biggest "mama's boy" of them all, loving to be held and cuddled.

There's so much to be thankful for in spite of the busyness. And I'm thankful for blogging despite my current lack of posts. It's nice to be able to capture life in this way. Hopefully I'll have some pictures to post next time.

What We've Been Up To

Admiring the new bee "barn" Paul and my Dad built for our bees (which have not arrived yet....hopefully today!)

Swinging in a new swing from Gramma and Papa

Tending to the new chickens and hoping they start laying soon

Playing outside and catching minnows in the ditch

Getting dirty in the sandbox

Napping on the couch

Dressing up as a doctor

Taking swimming lessons

Hanging out at swimming lessons

Learning to trust his swim teacher

Beef Stew with Bacon, Onion, and Sweet Potatoes

I've been meaning to share this recipe for awhile now. I actually found it through a blog reader who has a recipe blog. It is my FAVORITE! Some may say that stew season is over, but I disagree. Anything that can be cooked in the crockpot (and not the oven, thus heating the entire house) is worthy to be cooked any time of the year. We use pastured meats and homemade broth which only adds to the flavor. This recipe fills an average size crockpot so it's also great for having company. We love it with fresh homemade bread and coleslaw or cheese and mayo sandwiches.

Beef Stew with Bacon, Onion, and Sweet Potatoes

2 lbs. stew beef cut into 1 in. cubes

32 0z. beef broth

3-4 med. sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1 in. cubes

2 med. onions chopped

6 slices bacon, diced (I just cut it up with a kitchen scissors)

2 tsp. dried thyme

2 tsp. salt

1/2 tsp black pepper

4 T. cornstarch

~4 T. cold water

Combine all the ingredients in crockpot except sweet potatoes, water, and cornstarch and cook on low for 4-6 hours. Add sweet potatoes a couple of hours before eating (adding them too soon and they get mushy). Then turn off crockpot, remove all liquid and bring to boil over the stove and add cornstarch mixed with cold water and boil again until it thickens. Add thickened broth to crockpot and serve.

I hope your family enjoys this as much as we do. Oh, and grieving mamas - stop over at Ebe's blog here for a great post on spiritual stillbirth. It nearly brought me to tears - in a good way!

Bedroom Redecorating

Here's a view of the BEFORE from our closet. We have a huge north-facing window. Routinely, we get great-horned owls that perch on roof above our room and hoot through the night. Sounds like it would be peaceful, right? It's actually really hard to sleep through. The door way on the right goes into our master bath.

This picture was taken with the window behind me (see the open closet). On the left is Paul's dresser. It actually looks pretty decent in this photo. It was not. The drawers did not have slides, so they would go all whopperjawed when they got pushed in (meaning not flush with the rest of the dresser) I hurt my shoulders and neck multiple times when pushing those bottom drawers in. And it was really beat up.

This is the view standing in the bathroom doorway. The duvet cover on the bed is our new one. I am currently in love with all things paisley. Our old duvet cover was a pastel plaid one. This new one is in shades of brown, dusky blue, and green on a cream background.

Now here is the new furniture: sleigh bed, dresser with mirror and nightstand, with a better look at the color of the walls as opposed to the photo below this one.

This picture looks like I painted the walls pink. As much as I like pink, I did NOT paint our bedroom pink. This was however, the only picture I got of the new dresser.

And here is the painting completed. Boston Coastline doesn't look that great in this photo, but in real life, it is perfect. The other three walls are a cream (fresh linen).

Now the only thing left is to hang something on this headboard wall. I had bought a sepia photo, but it just didn't look right. I've thought about a vinyl saying or design, but haven't found anything that "speaks to me." I would love suggestions. All in all, it feels great having another project done and with good results.

View From the Inside

Lately, say in the past month or so, I've noticed grief creeping up on me. Two and half years of missing Felicity is approaching. So that's part of the reason why. Another part is Caleb is growing so quickly and has moved from babyhood to toddlerhood. Also the baby boom happening around me again, which I mentioned a few posts back.

There's more to it though. Can't always put my finger on it. Winter is almost over and the sun is out just about every day, yet I'm feeling gloomy on occasion. This might be TMI for some readers, but maybe my cycles are on the verge of returning. Who knows?

I don't think my grief is very apparent to those around me. I just mentioned to Paul today that I feel a little depressed. And depressed for me is not as bad as it is for others, I know. Looking from the outside, I tend to retreat in a little, not smile as much, and am snappier at those around me. But other than that, I don't think the men in my life are very aware of how I'm feeling.

I got contacted by a gal on FB who had read Felicity's story and who also had a stillborn baby at home and she's also has little c antibodies. Our circumstances are very different, but since becoming her friend, I've been exposed to a whole internet world of anti-homebirth sites/blogs/etc.

I don't question my homebirth, I don't blame my very competent midwife, and I don't think Felicity would've been born alive if I had gone straight to the hospital once labor began. But reading all this stuff I've come across, hasn't made the thought of another baby being born at home an easy idea to think about. While I still advocate for homebirth freedom (not because it's good experience, but because in most low-risk situations I feel it's safest for baby!), I think I've become a person who's just all about having a baby who's born alive. Maybe I was too firm in my opinions before? Maybe I was too judgmental of others who made different choices in birth than me? I do know I often pray for humility - my choices don't make me better than other people.

Anyway, I'm feeling introspective these days. I'm trying to remember Felicity, but also trying to not think of what-ifs. Caleb is here for a reason and to wish Felicity here, seems in my mind, to wish Caleb away, even if it's not intentional.

Things That Make Me Smile

Copying from my friend's Julie's blog, I thought I'd share a list of things that have made me smile lately.

~Watching "Mary Poppins" with the boys this afternoon and watching Elijah's reactions since this was his first time.


~Caleb's toothy grin and wobbly walk and especially the happy noises he makes when I sit down in our "nursing spot."
~The transformation of our bedroom - this has been an ongoing process. It's one of only two rooms I didn't paint last fall because I wanted to get a new duvet cover first. Well the new duvet cover's been on for awhile, I think I have a paint color picked out (2 actually, as one wall will be an accent color), and we have NEW bedroom furniture arriving in a couple of weeks. This was a long process. What originally was going to be a head board and maybe a dresser is going to be a complete bed, dresser, mirror and nightstand! Can't wait for it to be delivered and set up. Then once the weather is warm enough to have windows open, painting can begin. When the project is done, I will share more before and after photos.

~Fresh haircuts for all the boys - which means I don't have to cut them for another 6 weeks or so.

~Caleb's repetitive "uh-oh" whenever he drops something

~Ethan's sign in the downstairs bathroom - he set up a pet store in our downstairs bar area. He's had Elijah assisting him. Last night I went into the bathroom and when I turned on the light I saw the sign Ethan made. It reads, "All employees must wash their hands before returning to work. Thank you. Manager." It made me laugh out loud. Especially since reminding Elijah to wash his hands IS a good idea, except Elijah can't read.

~Caleb holding his hand up to his ear and saying "hi" every time he hears the phone ring. Also he says "ow" whenever he sees an animal - real, stuffed, or a photo.

~Elijah's burgeoning sense of humor.

~Paul's acceptance of my desire to redecorate our bedroom as long as there are no decorative pillows added to the bed (oh, the horror!). He switched the office's overhead light fixture with our bedroom one - a job that looked a lot easier (from my vantage point) than it actually was. My contribution to the task: getting the ladder out and setting it up in the office.

~Spring is in the air - it's still below freezing outside with lots of snow yet to melt, but our dirt road and driveway are mud pits which gives me hope....and annoys me all to no end.

~new washcloth colors!

~new blog discoveries: Reagan's Blob, Young House Love, Tales of Me and the Husband, City Wife, Country Life

~The thought of being able to hang cloth diapers on the clothes line again.

~The thought of Sara holding new baby Levi in just a few short days!

~Ethan winning 1st place for speed at the AWANA grand prix a couple weeks ago. He won every heat and got the track record as well.

~Finally owning Caleb free and clear!

~Working out and the result: my arms are starting to look like Jillian's - wish the rest of my body was showing more change. But I do feel different, have more energy, and am definitely noticing my muscles growing.

~Sunshine!

Delinquent

I am such a delinquent blogger. I blame it on Caleb and his ability to open all kitchen and bathroom cabinets. Not to mention yesterday he accidentally realized he can open the oven as well. So all my "blogging time" has been spent cleaning up his messes and trying to stop him from making more. If he wasn't so darn cute and cuddly, I'd probably be just a little bit nutty by now.

Right now I'm sitting on the couch and Caleb's standing at my feet, alternately blabbering at me happily and playing peek-a-boo with me around the laptop screen. Oh, and did I mention he's walking? He's not an expert yet, but it's so fun to watch him learn and watch the big boys get excited over it.

My baby's growing up! (insert sad face here) I know I promised myself I'd enjoy him like he was my last, but at this point, I'm already feeling the infant itch. It's the pregnant part I'm not looking forward too. And all the potential issues we could face with another baby, if he/she has the little c antigen.

There's another mini baby boom happening around me. I have to admit it's hard to see friends be pregnant and have babies easily. There's nothing easy about having a baby after losing one through stillbirth regardless of how many healthy babies you have. Because things went so smooth with Caleb and the antibody isoimmunisation issue, I wonder if it won't be much harder with the next baby. When I start to think that way, I have to remind myself who's in control. And that there's also a 50% chance of a completely "normal" pregnancy if the next baby does not have the antigen.

In the meantime, I'm trying to soak in every precious baby moment with Caleb. He is still a baby. He's still nursing and dependent on me for so much. I love being his mommy.