Saturday, May 30, 2009

Fully Aware

I am fully aware that next Saturday will mark eight months since Felicity entered Heaven. I am also fully aware that we already have many activities happening that day and the week leading up to it. Please lift me up in prayer this coming week as I am already feeling myself slipping into a fog. I realized today that this week marks more time missing Felicity than time spent anticipating her arrival. We've known her longer as a memory than a reality. Oh, that hurts! Some moments it hurts so badly, I don't think I can stand it.

I thank God daily for my boys as their presence has truly sustained me physically these many months. While God has sustained me spiritually and emotionally and Paul has been my all-around supporter, without Ethan and Elijah to love and care for, I really think the past 8 months would've been quite different. I don't even like to think how different. But I ache to think of other grieving moms I've met who don't have any other children to help them through this deepest of valleys. So boys, someday when you look back on this time, please know that you helped me so much!

And thanks to you all, who have faithfully prayed for me and my family. I don't know what I would've done without you all. Thank you for sharing your own stories of loss and helping me see the path ahead of me.

4 comments:

Ebe said...

Missing sweet Felicity with you.

Praying for you this week and every week.

love,
ebe

Sara said...

Rachel,
I will be praying for you this week. So many different emotions can pop up all the time... it can be exhausting. I will be praying that the Lord sweetens our memories of our kids and softens the brutalness of it all. I pray that He sustains you this week. Rachel, He loves you, don't forget that, He created you to be the perfect mommy to sweet Felicity. Thinking of you!
Sara

Jennifer Ross said...

I feel the same about my boys. Without them, I don't know where I would be physically or mentally. My heart goes out to the families who don't have any children to care for, only to have said goodbye way to soon. I will be thinking of you this coming week.

Mrs. Jo said...

Praying God's comfort is near to you. Can't imagine how much pain you have gone through/are going through/will go through. I felt led by the Lord to go yesterday and tie 7 blue balloons on the mailbox of a lady in my church. 7 years ago her son was born stillborn at around 38 weeks. I wanted her to know that someone (she doesn't know who) still remembered and cared.

Sending virtual pink balloons your way!