We had a LONG day yesterday in the cities, car shopping and visiting with my parents for my dad's birthday and when we got home I went to bed early. When I woke up this morning, I felt fine. We ate breakfast and I did a few things, but then while I was in the shower, I just felt this overwhelming sadness and I started to cry. And then I couldn't stop.
So back to bed I went. I didn't really get out of bed until an hour or so ago.
This doesn't happen to me often. Paul doesn't quite understand it when it happens and it's very hard for me to communicate what I'm feeling when I'm in the thick of it.
I miss my babies. Paul took down the baby gate at the top of the stairs today. That wouldn't have happened if Felicity were here. If Jeremiah were here, I'd be feeling lots of movement and eager anticipation for his due date in Oct.
I feel broken. Instead of my body being a haven for growing babies, it's a place where babies die. It's really hard to like my body when it has betrayed me in the cruelest way.
I think these feelings are normal. They're not fun, but I think they ARE normal. It's what I do with these feelings that's most important. And right now I'm struggling with that part too.