Just like the fog outside this morning, I've been feeling the sadness building. There were many times during our trip that I missed her and realized we probably wouldn't be vacationing had she lived.
In fact so many things about our lives would be different.
It's hard not to think about those things.
Biggest thing on my mind lately is imaging what she'd be like as a one year old. Would she be walking yet? Would she be sweet and gentle or rough and tumble in order to survive two older brothers? What color would her eyes be? Would her hair be curly like Elijah's?
Oh, how I miss her!
I've been thinking for months now how we would celebrate her birthday and as it gets closer, I find it hard to plan. I want to honor her memory, but honestly, sometimes it hurts too much to think about trying to have a party for someone who's not here. Add to that the fact that Jeremiah's due date is only three days after Felicity's birthday and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the next two weeks or so.
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UPDATE ON CALEB:
We had our 22 week MCA scan and growth scan yesterday. We're happy to report that Caleb's scans have been going so well and his numbers are so good, that we don't have to go back for two weeks!
Blessings,
3 comments:
Rachel I find myself thinking all of those same things. It can be overwhelming to think about it all. Just know as we approach Felicity and Samuel's one year heaven going day you are on my heart and in my prayers every day. I am praying that God gives you a beautiful day where you can treasure the 9 months you spent with her and her precious beautiful life with in you. Obviously, I know that will be such a hard, sad day too. For what it is worth, I have had many tell me that the anticipation can be worse than the actual day... I don't know. I just want you to know that I will be praying... praying that you feel the Lord's presence greatly as you approach the day and on the day itself. Love to you Rachel. Have I ever told you, had Samuel been a girl, we loved the name Rachel. Such a beautiful name for a beautiful woman of God:)
Sara
So glad to hear Caleb is doing so well! I will be praying for you as Felicity's heavenly birthday approaches. I know it will be hard, but I just pray that you can feel God's loving arms wrapped around you as you miss Felicity.
I am holding you close in my heart as Felicity's first birthday approaches. I know how much this time hurts and brings back the joy and the deep pain.
I am rejoicing with you over sweet Caleb.
May he grow each day, stronger and healthier.
love,
ebe
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