You know, the kind that leaves you questioning your actions, your role in life, your purpose.
Lately we've been dealing with a lot of defiant behavior from one of our children. It hasn't been easy to deal with and in fact, I'm left physically and emotionally exhausted, not to mention guilt-ridden, wondering what I'm doing or not doing to cause these behaviors.
This behavior is not typical.
Paul and I have talked about it extensively and last night I asked a couple of my wise friends who have children older than mine what they think.
I used to be the type of person who couldn't handle any criticism and I admit it's still difficult to hear. But I'm really thankful I sought out their counsel.
Here's what I'm learning:
- A good tree cannot bear bad fruit (Matthew 7) - this is a self-directed thought as there are many things I personally need to work on. I've known about these things, but always find myself making excuses. Pregnancy has been my biggest excuse lately especially considering I've been pregnant the last 17 of 21 months.
- My children, because they are homeschooled, are around me 24/7 for the most part and are very aware of my behaviors and relationships. Anything amiss is open fodder for their little minds and hearts. I need to make sure my relationship with Paul is on the right track, meaning I need to be fulfilling my role as wife, first and foremost.
- I need to be careful with my words and deeds. Am I walking the talk?
- I need to be considerate of the differences between myself and my children, especially since they are boys, and teach and train them accordingly.
- I need to be reading my Bible and spending more time praying for my children.
Parenting is hard, the hardest job in the world!
On a different note, tomorrow is Caleb's 26 week MCA and growth scan. Please pray for him to still be doing well and for peace of mind for me. The farther along we get, the more I find myself worrying about the uncertainty of the next few few months (or less). Not even knowing when or where he'll arrive is not easy on my type A personality.