Tuesday, October 6, 2009

One Year of Missing Felicity

Thanks to those of you who remembered today was Felicity's one year Heavenly birthday. Your thoughts, cards, prayers, and flowers (Thanks Molly and family!) are a blessing to us. Like many of you have said, the anticipation of today was harder than the actual day.

I did have some very weepy days/moments last week and on Sunday when we celebrated Felicity's short life, but today was good. The boys and I went down to the cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul for those of you who don't know MN) and went out to lunch and to the Minnesota History Museum for a field trip. I knew it would be important for me to be out of the house today, especially since it's been overcast and rainy here for the past 5 days, which has impacted my mood.

On Sunday, we visited Felicity's grave after church. For those of you who don't know, we attend a small country church and Felicity is buried in the church cemetery right next to the church. My parents came up on Saturday and my aunt joined us on Sunday. They were the only ones who got to see and hold Felicity besides Paul, the boys, and me. After visiting Felicity's grave and taking some photos, we went out for lunch. I was hoping to go hiking after that, but the weather was too rainy, so we headed back to our house.

While waiting for the rain to clear, we sang "Happy Birthday" to Felicity and enjoyed some cupcakes made in her honor. Normally for birthdays around here I make cakes, so I thought cupcakes would be something different and special. There were many tears on my part during this time and it was incredibly sad to see Ethan break down too. He hasn't cried over Felicity since the day before her memorial service when we watched the photo montage our NILMDTS photographer made for us. It breaks my heart all over again to see him missing her so much. All I could do was hold him and tell him that it was okay to cry.

After waiting for the rain to clear up, we were finally able to release balloons in honor of Felicity and Jeremiah. I was stressed out because I didn't think the weather was going to clear up enough to do so, but God provided some beautiful blue sky for us at just the right time.

I haven't yet gone through all of Felicity's things, though I plan to soon. The thought of doing so doesn't bear so much pain as it did a week ago. I'm sure there will still be tears, but I'm not afraid of them.

I'm working on a montage of photos taken over the past year that have to do with Felicity. I hope to have it up in a day or two.

We miss her so much but I am continually reminded that "in His presence is fullness of joy." She is complete in every way as she worships her maker in Heaven. What a joy it will be to be there with her someday!


Tonya said...

Happy Heavenly Birthday Felicity!

Remembering your special, but all too short, life here on earth and looking forward to meeting you in heaven one day! You were a beautiful baby girl here on earth...I can only imagine how beautiful you are in heaven! Love and hugs to your mommy, daddy and big brothers today!

From an *angel mommy* friend,

Alexander's Mommy said...

Hi Rachel,

I know you haven't heard from me in a while but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you today.

Sara said...

Rachel, I am thinking of you all today. It is really nice to hear what you did to honor Felicity's precious life. You are such a good mommy Rachel... I can just tell. I am so glad Felicity could experience your love in her short but precious life. Rachel, know that I continue to pray for you.
I can't believe a year has passed friend. She has been with her creator for a year... I can't wait to join her and Samuel in worshipping our savior face to face... fullness of joy, that is good to remember... I like that.

Missing your sweet Felicity with you!

Sharleen said...

All yesterday no matter what I was doing I kept thinking of Felicity knowing that it is her first heavenly birthday and thinking of wanting to give you a huge hug. I'm glad you were able to do some special things to celebrate her short, but impactful life! You are continually in my prayers!

Molly Koop said...

I brought the computer to my bedroom so I could read your entry and watch the video. I wanted to be alone because I was sure I would cry. But then I found myself smiling and filled with JOY! (I wasn't expecting that!)
I'm of course feeling sad for you, but as I saw the photos of your gorgeous daughter, and I witnessed how you honored her, and saw the boys love and celebrate their sister, I also saw God's mercy. I see how in such suffering He has been your stronghold. I see how in missing your children, your family has learned how to better love one another and lean on Our Heavenly Father. And I saw a glimpse of why the Lord chose to gather your children to Himself before you were ready.
He has indeed blessed you.
And thank you for sharing that you will not be afraid of your tears. I needed to hear that exact thing from you today so that next time I need not be afraid of my own tears.

Ebe said...

Missing Felicity with you.
Happy birthday, sweet child.