Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Last night as I was staying up WAAAY too late, I finally spent some time on Facebook and found it to be less intimidating than I thought. I signed up for Facebook in Aug. (Before Felicity), but never did anything with it. What a great way to stay connected with friends and find old friends! (That is if I can keep up with email, blogging, and Facebook.)

As I was adding some old friends to my wall/profile/whatever (I haven't yet learned the facebook lingo.) I realized that if they contact me then I'll have to tell them about Felicity. One of those first questions is always "How many kids do you have?" Sure it's a whole lot easier to tell people via facebook rather than face to face, but still I wondered if I wanted to have to tell more people right now. I'm still wondering. I thought I'd jumped over these hurdles already, but I'm finding that more hurdles await me and my body is already aching from this race my life is now on. (Pretty pathetic of me to use a running analogy when I don't run!)

Maybe a better analogy for my life is Before and After. Normally, the After is a better picture; a new makeover, a room redecorated, etc. In my case, give me back my Before. The After Rachel isn't pretty. She's a different person; she's a different wife, a different mother, and a different friend. She wonders sometimes if she's going to make it. These negative feelings don't last because of the hope I have in Christ, but they are part of my life now. Pray for me as I learn to fulfill my roles now that I'm a different person. This goes for all of us - Paul, Ethan, and Elijah as well. We're all different, grief has/is changing us. I pray that when the hurting lessens, these new people we're becoming are an improvement on the Before. But right now, Before looks pretty good.


Billi said...

Dear Lord, My Hope and Deliverer, I pray that you provide Rachel with a new found understanding of her role in this life. Thank you for knowing her strength. Continue to bless other through her. Jesus we love you in spite of not completely understanding why. In the Name of the Most High. Amen.

Anonymous said...

I've also told people that after Felicity I'd never be the same again. Oh How I understand. For me, its taken on a physical grieving. After the flu last week, I felt better for a day and then got sick again. My doctor says its Pneumonia. A day doesn't go by without thinking of her, of you...And reading your journey helps me too with mine. Interesting how the threads of the patterns of our individual lives have been/ are being knit together in a similiar way right now. M

Amy said...

I'm praying for all of you, Rachel. I really am.
Lots of love!

melissa said...

I don't think the "how many children do you have" question ever gets any easier to answer! Well, maybe it does eventually, but it's still very hard for me, 3 years out.

God is growing the "After" Rachel into someone strong, tender and wise, even though you just feel weak right now! I continue to pray for you in this journey of grief. And I continue to remember your sweet Felicity.