Thursday, November 20, 2008

Homesick

I'm sitting here on the couch, catching up on the blogs I read, watching the snow swirling outside my window, drinking coffee, and listening to TobyMac's new song, "Gain the Whole World"on KTIS. And I'm having a flashback to the many Saturday nights I spent with my BFFs Joolee and Billi Jo rollerskating. Saturday was Christian music night and we anticipated it all week. (Yes, we were geeks though I like to think we've all risen above geekdom in our adulthood.)

TobyMac's song makes me wish for a carefree Saturday night, being chauffeured by my dad, to the roller rink. (He still chuckles, remembering our goofy antics in the car on the way there.) Life was easy back then, even in my teenage angst. My only worries were what I would wear and whether one of the cute guys would look at me while I nonchalantly circled the rink.

Oh, the things we take for granted in life. Until something devastating happens, we have a feeling of invincibility, relying on ourselves only. I think even as Christians we exert our independence subconsciously. Do bad things happen so we can learn to completely lean on God? There are countless schools of thought on why bad things happen to "good" people.

What I do know is that during this time of missing Felicity and wondering why she had to leave us before we ever got a chance to know her and love her, the Holy Spirit seems so close. I feel His presence while reading the Bible and praying and feel His comfort through my family and friends. I feel His strength in the words I read of other moms who've lost a baby and continue to grow in their love of the Lord. He STILL moves mightily in spite of our earthly sorrows! He never leaves us nor forsakes us! He is all we ever need! Blessed be the name of the Lord! I can wake up everyday feeling sad, but with a perspective that reaches beyond this day, this month, even this year.

For I know that this world is not my home.


"This world is not my home,
I'm just a passing through.
My treasures are layed out
somewhere beyond the blue.
The angels beckon me
from heaven's open door,
and I can't feel at home
in this world anymore."

© 1965 - Albert E. Brumley & Sons

6 comments:

Billi said...

Thanks for the memory; life sure did feel less complicated, teenage awkwardness aside, of course.




P.S. Did you receive an email from me?

joolee said...

Beautiful post.....other than the imagery of the geeky teens, which we were NOT! (or maybe we were and I just don't remember.)

I am so thankful that you are feeling God's presence during these tough days. There have been times in my life when I have prayed that God would make Himself very real to me....that I would learn to depend entirely on Him.......but then I quickly take it all back because I'm not prepared for the hardship that tends to leave no other choice but total dependence. (not sure if I'm making sense)

"This world is not my home,
I'm just a passing through.
My treasures are layed out
somewhere beyond the blue.
The angels beckon me from heaven's open door, and I can't feel at home in this world anymore."
-a hymn ??

Rachel said...

Billi,
Yes, I got the email about the poem, one of the things that sparked the memories of rollerskating was rereading that poem. sorry I didn't respond back. You know, all the normal excuses for my not responding. Thanks though for sending it.

Rachel said...

Thanks Joolee. I'm adding the song lyrics to the post - it captures what I was feeling exactly!

The Three 22nds said...

Hi Rachel,

I just got a phone call from a friend. She is bringing a meal this weekend to a couple from their church (in Andover maybe?) who just lost their baby (stillborn) this last weekend. I don't know any other details. I think I am going to pass on your blog address to the couple. I hope that is ok.

We are continuing to pray for you all...

Julie

Rachel said...

Julie,
Obviously I am new to this journey, but I'd love to be able to help anyone else dealing with stillbirth. Please pass on my blog, email rschwendinger at hotmail dot com. I blog about it b/c it helps me and I find comfort in other moms' blogs about loss.