(Read the following post with a southern accent)
We're still "on vacation" and so far it's been a good trip. The kids handled the two day van ride well, thanks to the DVD player we bought at Circuit City on our way. So what if they watched more videos in those two days than they normally watch in three or four weeks at home. In fact, they watched pretty much everything we brought, which means they'll be watching the same videos on the way home.
We arrived in KY on Saturday evening and stayed at the Marriott, thanks to my dad's points he earns while traveling. So we had a $200/night room and it was nice. We spent a lot of the time there telling the boys not to touch this and that. We spent Sunday and today at the Creation Museum, which has been fun. If you haven't checked it out and live nearby (Petersburg, KY right near Cincinnati), I strongly recommend it! It's great for all ages. We're not sure what we'll do tomorrow, but the plan is to stay here tomorrow night before beginning the two day journey home.
Despite the distractions, I can't seem to let go and totally enjoy myself. Everything is a reminder of Felicity's death. We wouldn't be taking this trip if she hadn't died. Yesterday my body started to gear up to the fact that today was Monday, the three week anniversary of her birth/death. Then I start replaying the events of that horrible day and I just can't believe this is my life. I plan on posting Felicity's story in the near future. In my search for other moms who have lost a baby, I need to read their stories of loss in order to connect to them and so I want that to be available to others who find themselves in this horrible life journey.
Tomorrow is my 32nd birthday and I'm not posting this info. to get a bunch of bday well wishes (thanks Billi Jo for being the first!). I just can't believe another bday is here and that life is continuing to go on without me. That's the way I feel. I feel so stuck in my pain! Everyday we've been gone, I've had to pull out a couple of pictures of Felicity that I brought and stare at them. I miss her so much! My milk is letting down right now, just thinking about her. (Elijah is still nursing, which has been mostly a blessing.)
On a funnier note, doing the hotel thing with a very active two year old, is quite the adventure. We're in a Holiday Inn right now and Elijah seems to think the bathroom is his personal office. He keeps going in the bathroom and sitting on the floor with his magna doodle. At least until I realized that he could lock himself in. He seems fairly satisfied with my Caboodles (yes, I grew up during the 80s) propping open the door. He mocks me by saying "careful, careful, careful!" as he climbs over it to get inside the bathroom.