Oh, how I miss you! I'm crying right now, barely able to see the computer through my tears. My whole body aches because I want to hold you so badly and I can't. I can't believe you'd be 8 weeks old today. I'm feeling your absence more and more every day. You used to seem like a dream, but as each day goes by, that dream-like feeling fades.
I imagine you in heaven all the time. What do you look like? Are you still a baby or a toddler already? I won't know until we're together, but I imagine you there as a little girl with dark brown hair and big brown eyes walking through a beautiful garden, like a painting we have on our wall. Jesus said not to hinder the little children for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. So I picture you as a child, innocent and trusting, basking in the love of Jesus, who can love you far better than I can, though I would've given it everything I had.
Can you hear me from heaven? Can you hear me telling you how much I miss you as I try to fall asleep each night? Do you hear me crying? Consider each tear a hug from your Mama. I am so glad that you're happy in heaven! Ethan talks about you more now. He was so sad you had to leave us. Every time I cry, Elijah comes to hug me and says, "Are you beddar now, Mama?" We talk about you all the time. We wonder what kinds of sounds you would've made. We wonder if you would've grown up to be a tomboy (Daddy thinks so) or a girly-girl. We have your pictures everywhere in our house because we love you so much! It gives us so much happiness to look at you.
I'm so anxious to be with you, dear girl. I'm trying to wait patiently, but it's hard. I just know that whatever suffering and sadness I experience here on earth, will be nothing compared to the absolute JOY we'll experience with you in heaven.
I have something big to ask you Felicity. I don't know if you can ask Jesus this or not, but if it's okay with you, could you ask him to send us another baby. Our arms are so empty and you're not here to fill them. We could never replace you, but we'd love to have your baby brother or sister to hold. We miss you and love you so much. You'll always be our first baby girl. I'm so thankful for you!
Hugs and kisses,