I have to be honest - I'm dealing with a lot of anger the last couple of days. The feeling seems heightened this morning as Ethan began a barrage of questions about Easter. He wanted to know what we were doing, where we would be, who might be coming over. I don't have the answer to any of these questions right now and as I stared at the calendar, all I could see was next Monday, April 6th, where I had written "missing Felicity for 6 months."
I don't want people to think that just because I have faith in Jesus Christ, that I haven't dealt with the normal emotions/stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While I may not have had some of the extremes of these stages, I have dealt with them all to some degree. These stages don't necessarily flow in order. They can occur in just about any combination, repeat any number of times, and continue for years. I'm no expert on the subject, but I can clearly identify with these stages.
I'm angry lately - angry at someone close to me who pushed her agenda in disregard to my emotional situation, angry at the economic climate, angry with my boys' behavior, angry with myself and poor choices I make. I AM ANGRY THAT MY BABIES ARE DEAD! And you know what, I think it's okay for me to be angry. The Bible says that I'm not to sin in my anger though and right now I'm fighting the urge to just blow up! I'd love to have a kicking, screaming, crying tantrum. And considering the ones I've seen in my mothering career, I think I could do it pretty well.
Please pray for me today. Pray that I would be able to hand my anger to Jesus. Pray for a restored relationship with someone who hurt me and continues to hurt me because she doesn't want to change. Pray I can love my boys and train them and not take my anger out on them in any way. Pray for peace in my heart instead of this feeling of chaos and anger. THANK YOU!
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