Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Plan of Attack

Thanks for all your prayers! The fog of sadness has lifted for the most part. I felt like I was trapped for quite a few days despite a lot of prayer and support from others. As hard as it was, it seems to me, based on my reading, that it is "normal" for someone in my shoes. I do recognize the need to have a plan of attack for when this happens again. I'd like to think it won't, but I need to prepare for it because it probably will.

Here's The Plan:

  • Ask for prayer IMMEDIATELY!

  • Pray and read my Bible immediately and have Paul pray over me.

  • Have a homeopathic treatment for depression in the medicine cabinet (I'm going to buy it now so I'll have it on hand).

  • Turn on the christian radio station (Turning the radio on right away in the morning helped SOOO much when Felicity first died, even if I wasn't feeling low).

  • Get outside if possible .

  • EXERCISE! I didn't do this the last 4 days and I think that exercising has helped to keep this from happening in the past.

  • Be aware of times when I might struggle: that time of the month, busy times (I start to feel overwhelmed), holidays (Mother's Day isn't far away and I'm anticipating it being very hard).

  • Recite passages of scripture that are applicable. This means I need to pick them out now and start memorizing them so that I have them already prepared and in my head.

  • Ask for help with caring for the kids right away.

And as for prevention, I'm finding I need to have alone time (not late at night though, which is what I have been doing). I need to find time to sit, reflect, journal, go through Felicity's things, etc. I've tried to do this when the kids are here, but I always get distracted and don't feel like I've accomplished anything. So I need to schedule this time so that I have time to grieve, and just grieve.

I'd appreciate more suggestions. If you can think of something, please leave a comment.

Paul and I are going to attend a local conference this Saturday that is focused on miscarriage, stillbirth, and infertility. We'll be attending the grief sessions which I think will be really beneficial for both of us and for our marriage. We're also going to have a date on Friday which is something we haven't done in a LOOONG time. I'm also looking forward to the temperature going up here in the next few days so we'll be able to go outside more - I'll post pictures of Felicity's stone soon too.


Jennifer Ross said...

One of the biggest things that helps me with my "hard times" is to get on my knees in prayer, and worship music.

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better:)

Amy said...

When I'm having a particularly hard time, I get in the car and drive by myself. That way I don't have to feel bad for anything I say, worry about how I act around James, etc....
I can cry really loud, listen to whatever music I want to listen to, and I usually end up praying and talking straight to Zach.

Marisa said...

A dietary thing you can try to ward off depression is Cod Liver Oil (or fish oils, as we get more sunshine).

And - yeah, I second the idea to get time to yourself that isn't late at night, because that just sets the next day up for failure.

Have you ever used flower essences? I think that could be helpful for you.

Marisa said...

Oh, and one thing that I've found helpful in dealing with intrusive thoughts, or things that I know to be completely illogical, and yet they still swirl around in my head (like if you are feeling angry, and wanting to lash out at Paul, but know you really don't have a good reason to, and yet it is hard to stop yourself, even if you want to) is to say "stop" to myself and picture a stop sign. (Please forgive my incredibly long run-on sentence.) Do it over and over again, as needed. This seemed like such a silly idea to me at first, but it really has worked for me.

Also, if I feel like I am on the verge of freaking out, and would prefer to stop myself (and the potential for that actually occurs to me, which is the hard part), I also do brain gym hook-ups (http://blog.beliefnet.com/chatteringmind/2006/09/whole-new-meaning-to-hook-up.html) coupled with abdominal breathing. I'll either just practice mindfulness or I'll give myself a pep-talk. And that usually helps me.